[118] Screed City

[118]

03/23/2022 Wednesday. Wooden stool on top of a wooden desk. 6036 67 AV 1 L, Ridgewood, Queens, New York.

Sitting in Queens, eating refried beans. Just joking, you know me, I bought black beans. And they are not refried. They are boiled beans. With bacon grease and salt and garlic powder. Not only that, but I haven't cooked them yet. Later. For dinner. When Professor Curly gets back from rehearsal.

Took a train down on Sunday. From Rutland. The Publisher gave me a ride. Well, I gave her a ride in Junior Mint, but she drove the car back. I think she is driving it right now though. To Philly. There is a book thing over there this weekend. Which starts tomorrow. I think. I don't know. I am supposed to head over on Friday, but that is looking like I will head over tomorrow instead. We were supposed to take Jayboo's 16 year old daughter to Mitski, but the show got postponed due to somebody catching covid. So now that that is a bust, I think I might head over tomorrow instead. Which is good, I think. There is supposed to be a reading at Steph's cidery called Young Americans. Which I was sad to miss, but now I can go. Haven't figured the timing out though. I am going to drive Professor Curly's car. Leave it parked on the street. She is going to Germany on Sunday. I think. For touring stuff.

I mean, it has been a wild ride the last few days. Two trips to IKEA as a couple. One trip to IKEA as formally a couple. Just joking. We didn't break up, but it was close. And not because of the trip to IKEA itself. But it was definitely IKEA related. I mean, the bridesmaids would have a field day with this one. IKEA is where bad relationships go to die. Even good ones are stressed. Why is that? I mean, there is nothing incarnate about IKEA that is particularly stressful, it is all just too much. I think. All the cheap crap. Too many options. Nothing exactly right. An all day affair no matter what you do. I guess. I mean, we went there on Monday to buy a bed, a bed frame and a table. Pretty simple. The new apartment is a railroad number. Which means that we either use the middle room as the bedroom or we have a shitty set up. The front room. The one closest to the street is obviously an office. The kitchen has the best light, but would be a horrible place to put the bed. Nobody could get up and do shit without waking the other person up. And all that good light would get wasted because you couldn't sleep through it. So you would need some pretty heavy curtains. Which would just be a waste. I mean, the middle room is pretty skinny. But what do you do? It's not like you can have your bed pushed sideways against the wall, right? I mean, that would be insane. I mean, my point is, we were looking for a full-sized bed. A queen is too long. There would be no way to get past it by walking if you catch my drift. I mean, there are two entrances to the apartment. One at the kitchen and one at the office. But that would be ridiculous to have to go out into the hall to get from the kitchen to the office, right? Not only that, but the landlady doesn't want us using the door that leads into the office for some reason. Whatever.

I mean, we drove to the IKEA. Traffic was fine. We took the BQE. It was like a 40 minute drive. We had just boned in like the first time in a month or so. So spirits were high. We parked. Went inside. Went to the cafeteria. Got some meatballs and some chicken strips and some fries and a soft drink. Everything was very tasty. After that we shopped like the wind. Found some knives and some other stuff. Decided on a bed frame and a mattress. A table. Everything went as well as expected. I mean, it took a few hours but we did it. When we paid for everything we stopped off for a couple hot dogs and another soft drink. We took those things and our other things to the parking lot. Loaded it all into the car. Sat in the loading dock eating cold hot dogs with ketchup and mustard. Drinking on the soft drink. I mean, is was nothing really. We drove back to Queens. Unloaded the car. I then took the car back out to find parking. It took a little bit but I found a spot just down the street from the apartment. For some reason I turned the lights from what I thought was "On" to what I thought was "off." I was wrong, but I did not know it at the time. I went inside and put the table together. Put a chair together. Made some plans to go out. Then went out. Came back around midnight. Professor Curly was sleeping but then she woke up. For some reason we talked for a couple hours. I mean, that wasn't odd that we talked, it was a little odd the timing though. I mean, it was nice. It was just the middle of the night is all. I mean, whatever.

In the morning we got up and I started putting the bed frame together. It was complicated. There were three boxes. I got most of it built by around noon. Then it became apparent we needed slats for the bed. To hold the mattress. I don't know why we didn't know this. But we didn't. Which was fine. There was really nothing doing about it. Professor Curly was supposed to be doing some sort of film thing that got cancelled, so she had the day free. Plus, she really liked the chair, so she wanted to get a couple more. We decided to go back to IKEA and get the stuff. Eat some more meatballs. Have nice little time about it. We got ready and went to the car that was parked just down the street. She used the fob thing to unlock the car. Only the driver's side door unlocked. Then nothing. She gave me the thing. To start the car. It wouldn't start. The battery was dead for some reason. Just joking. I had left the lights on all night. PC called Triple A. They said they would be there in 40 minutes. We decided to go back inside and wait for them. By the time we got back inside they called. They were already there. We went back outside. A couple guys had put traffic cones around the car. They had some weird battery van. Or, like a van filled with batteries. They had me pop the hood. Then they had me try and start the car. Nothing doing. After a while they had me try and start the car again. It started right up. Then they had me put the bright’s on. This temporarily drained the battery. I mean, I don't know if this was a trick or what but they said we needed a new battery. Which, I mean, of course. There was a little debate about replacing the battery. I knew I could do it if needed, but not now and not under these conditions. I mean, I asked them one question "Does the battery need to be replaced?" The one guy, Vincent, I think he name was said "Yes." I mean, what else was there to do? Professor Curly had already had an issue with the battery a few weeks before. But they told her that time that the battery was fine. I mean, whatever. Cars are a scam. Everyone knows it. The question was, how much of a scam was being perpetrated at this moment? I mean, in my mind I thought "Well, it is in Triple A's best interest for us not to have a lousy battery, because it means they don't need to come give us a charge all the time, right?" But then Professor Curly pointed out that maybe the scam was selling batteries and they made more money on batteries than they lost on road side jumps. I mean, it is probably both. They would probably prefer not to have to send people out, but at the same time, a new battery made them money. I mean, anyway, we have a new battery now. I won't tell you how much it cost because I am sure it was way more than it needed to be, but whatever. Desperate times, as the bridesmaids say.

After all of this went down we got on the road. Driving through Queens. Getting back on the BQE. At one point the phone told us to go to Manhattan because of traffic. I was driving and I thought this was ludicrous. To go to Manhattan to get to Brooklyn. Preposterous! How could that make sense? I mean, the tolls alone were enough reason not to go to Manhattan. The Queens/Mid-town tunnel. Then the Brooklyn/Battery tunnel. I mean, that was at least $40 dollars in my mind. I mean, it was a split-second decision. There was no turning back once the decision was made. I mean, I made the wrong decision. And the next thing you know we were in stop and go traffic for nearly an hour. On the highway. Professor Curly was annoyed with me. I thought it was just fine. We were having a nice day out. But she was hungry and the traffic sucked. I mean, I was having a good time for a while, but then it got really tiresome and boring. And frustrating. By the time we got to Dumbo I thought we should get off of the highway. At least then we could see some sights. The traffic wouldn't be any worse. I mean, it was better once we got off, but not by much. We slowly limped along down the back streets, under the BQE. I mean, it was nice to see this part of town again. It had been a while. But we were exhausted and everything was taking forever.

When we finally got to the IKEA we parked. Went inside. Went straight to the cafeteria. Ordered some meatballs. Some chicken fingers with French fries. A Caesar salad. A soft drink. We ate it all. It was very tasty. Spirits were up. We put the trays away. Shopped like the wind. At one point Professor Curly stole somebodies shopping cart for some reason. I mean, it was kind of a wild maneuver. Like, I mean, I don't know what she was thinking. Why she thought the thing was free. We got about thirty feet away. This family of very nice and apparently meek multi-generational women kept their eyes on PC. At one point she said "Those women keep staring at me." I said "You stole their cart for some reason." At some point she looked down and noticed there was quite a bit of stuff in the bag hanging down on front of the cart. She let out a little squeal and then said out loud "Oh my god! I have your cart!" She pushed it back to the women. Then we took off like a bolt. Embarrassed as hell. I mean, in her defense it did seem like the cart was abandoned. But, I mean, all carts looked abandoned at IKEA. But there is a reason for that. It is because people are shopping and they leave their carts places to go look at stuff. I mean, it was really kind of unnecessary. But it happened.

I mean, after that we got to the main floor of the place. The big warehouse part. We ordered some new chairs and found the slats. Paid. Waited for the chairs in the receiving area. Got the chairs. Bought an ice cream cone and a soft drink. Took the stuff out to the car. Loaded it. Hit the skids. I mean, traffic was okay on the way back. We got home quick enough. I pulled up in front of the apartment. Unloaded the car. Professor Curly brought all the stuff inside. I took the car and parked. It took quite a while. But I finally found a place about half a mile from the apartment. I walked back. Stopping at some place called D2's on the way. I stopped because they have some wild shirts on display. And I love a wild shirt. I mean, I went inside and spent a good 20 minutes deciding not to buy anything. I mean, there were two shirts I almost bought. One said:

"Rules Drip." The word drip was dripping. And another one that said:

"No need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time."

I mean, something tells me I can go back there and get those shirts if I need to. I mean, I don't think they are flying off of the racks as it were. I mean, I will probably regret it. I mean, they were on $2.99. But I mean, I don't even know. I mean, I will probably go back tomorrow and get them. A sassy t-shirt is worth every penny if you ask me. I still regret never buying the shirt that said:

"I am going to need wifi for this."

But whatever. I didn't buy the shirts. Tomorrow. Always tomorrow. I got back to the apartment. Went to work building the bed frame again. It was like 530p at this point. I read the directions some more. I read them again, and again. Slowly it dawned on me that we were missing one more thing. A huge thing. The middle support for the fucking bed frame. I mean, why it didn't come with the other shit, I do not know. I mean, it is impossible to build this fucking thing without it. I mean, the slats, I kind of understand. In a way. The beds are kind of universal in the sense that you need some things for some beds and different things for other beds, but not this. NO. This was a crucial and very important and very necessary and frankly, something that could have been included with the initial boxes because every bed frame needs it. I mean, they need the slats too, but the slats are all different. Not this thing. This thing is truly universal. I mean.

I mean, at this point me and Professor Curly decide it is time to break up. I mean, let's go back to the Mitski concert. The whole reason we were supposed to go to the Mitski concert was because it was sold out and Jayboo's daughter had bought tickets and I knew I would be around the City these days and PC was also going to be around. So, I mean, also, Jayboo hates the City. He would love to never ever come down here. So, I mean, it was a free ticket to a sold out show and all we had to do was get his daughter to the show and then get her back on the train. Or something akin to that. I mean, what really happened was I was going to pick her up from the train. An unaccompanied minor. Take her around mid-town. For a couple hours. Then PC would show up. Take her to the show at Radio City. Then she would stay the night at the apartment and I would get her back to the train the next day. Which, I mean, it was a lot, but I thought it would be good for her. To see the sights. Hang out with a cool chick on the scene. I mean, it was a pain in the ass, sure, but I was feeling very positive about the whole operation. I mean, this is the kind of thing that changes people's lives. Seeing the world. I mean, her dad is this grumpy Conservative Libertarian dude. I mean, she lives near Queensbury, New York for Christ's sake. I mean, it was going to be a funny adventure that would help her focus on the future. Good or bad. I mean, it is always good to see your options, right? I mean, but the staying the night with us was kind of problematic. I mean, the apartment is brand new. We don't even have groceries. I mean, we had been sleeping on a blow-up mattress. Which, I mean, the thing was a behemoth. Taking up all the room. I mean, we needed to either move it into the office or deflate it. Because now the bed frame was taking up the entire bedroom. So when I noticed that the middle support was missing it was a moment of tragedy. We had two choices. Either sleep on the blow-mattress again and go back to IKEA the next day, or go to IKEA now and just get the job done. I mean, things got pretty heated pretty fast. But because we are in an apartment building and the neighbors have a one month old baby we couldn't scream at each other like normal. I mean, say what you will about fighting with your significant other, sometimes you have to fight it out. There is just no other choice. You can't keep that shit bottled up all the time. It is not healthy.

But I digress, we had a very heated and very silent fight. The next thing that happened Professor Curly was out the door with the car keys and I kept working building stupid IKEA furniture. I mean, there was a lot to do. I kept working. Trying to keep the noise down. At some point I couldn't use the hammer anymore so I switched to building other things. Two hours went by. Then about the third hour PC showed back up. I ran outside. Got the middle support. She drove away. Looking for parking. I went back inside. Finished that part of the job. Put the slats on. Unrolled the mattress. I mean, it exploded like a jack in the box. Which was very loud and surprising. I mean, it was a relief though. To finally have it unrolled. We could sleep on it that night. And at the moment we didn't know the Mitski concert had been cancelled so the blow-up mattress was leaning against the wall in the "Living room." I mean, this created a tiny fight later, but just because there was still some stress about the entire Mitski operation.

Anyway. Professor Curly called me 15 minutes later. There was no parking. None. Not even the lousy parking on Fresh Pond where you have to get up at the break of dawn and shove quarters into the meters. She was very deflated. Unlike the blow-up mattress, which was tight as a drum as the bridesmaids say. But a miracle happened and she called me back five minutes later and said she had found parking. She was coming back. And she needed a glass of wine. I mean, I could use a beer myself. I mean, she showed up. Took a look around. We decided not to break-up. I mean, we went out to find something to eat and drink, which became it's own problem. But that has nothing to do with this. I mean, by the time we got back to the apartment, I was feeling pretty good, PC was a little drunk. When we were going to pay for the drinks and the meal she had said:

"You should pay for it. You had three beers." I mean, it was true that I had three beers. But then I did some math. I mean, I was glad to pay for the meal and the beers, but that logic, every time that logic. I mean, the beers were $6 dollars. And even if I drank four of them it would have been less than her two glasses of wine. The nerve. And also. to go back to the fact that I had made the poor decision to take the BQE instead of going into Manhattan to get to Brooklyn, I looked it up. The tolls would have been $15 dollars. I mean, still, I don't know if waiting in traffic for what I thought would be 20 minutes max is worth $15 dollars, that is very much a cost/benefit thing that is still up for debate, but still, she was mad at me because of traffic. Traffic! Like I control the traffic on the BQE. The nerve, am I right? I mean, whatever. I don't mean to get petty at this point, when I am clearly winning this argument, but that is how relationships work. Somebody has to be right all the time. And, I mean, I think we were both wrong. But still, blaming me for traffic on the BQE and then claiming my beers caused the expensive bill at dinner so I should pay for it? It is all very rude. I mean, I won't lie. When we got back to the apartment and Professor Curly put the Egyptian Burlap 106 thread count sheets on the bed and we got into it to have a nice long Spring's nap, I mean, I don't remember the last time I slept so well. And if you think you should repeat yourself, let me just say one thing:

"There is no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time."