[156] Screed City
[156]
06/25/2022 Saturday. Kitchen Microwave. Queens Apartment. Queens, New York.
Farmers Market Week Seven:
Another banner day for Cubby Bubbys Inc. Sold out by noon. I mean, I now have my control. Kind of. I mean, I didn't sell a single one until 9:45a. 45 minutes in. But then, like hot cakes as the bridesmaids say. I mean, it is good news. But maybe I should start from the beginning, because it has been a crazy-ass day.
I mean, yesterday I baked like the wind. Was done by 2p. Had the things in the freezer by 4p. Not long enough though, on the other end. When I took them out at 9p they weren't frozen enough. I shrugged and proceeded as normal. I mean, when I got up at 5a I was a little worried they were too warm already. Sitting out over night. I mean, maybe if I do this thing again I will put them in the fridge instead. To thaw. I don't know. The jury is still out ATBMS. Whatever. Things went fine. I listened to my comedy politics thing. Then, I started listening to my other politics thing that I listen to on Saturday and my mind got blown! I mean, DG and BG were doing a book review that irked me. I was thinking "Man, sometimes book reviews do more harm than good." Then like a something almost scary, like out of nowhere, like a shock to the system BG said:
"The next thing I want to talk about is this thing by Joey Truman called Donkey..." I mean, like what????? I paraphrase. I will let you have a listen:
[Insert Professional Left]
I mean, got to minute 5:37-ish and you can get the whole thing. But it blew my mind. I mean, I have been sending these guys Donkey. But I really didn't expect a shout-out. I mean, it was really cool. After that I was kind of in a fog for the rest of the proceedings. I mean, I was thinking about how to respond and what it meant, not that it really means anything, but encouragement is always welcome. And then they compared me to Dickens and William S Burroughs. Which was funny. I will take it. I mean, the Dickens thing, I mean it is a serial, but the Boroughs thing, I am not so sure. Either way. Hats off!
I mean, I pulled my shit together and got ready in earnest. I had to pack for the City and Portland. Also, I needed to find these two air conditioners that I knew were somewhere in the house. I mean, it turned out they were in the torture chamber behind the bed in our bedroom. Way-way in the back. Something that I will have to deal with when I get home again. I mean, the chaos of getting them out and downstairs in five minutes flat. I mean, after that I finished packing Junior Mint and hit the skids. Getting to Waitsfield earlier than usual. The parking lot was empty. I mean, it was becoming quite the day already. I mean, the weather was perfect. I was in good spirits. Things were looking up. I unpacked. Set up a table. Put the chafing dishes out. Lit a fire under them. Went and parked the car. Came back. Set up. I was ready to go by 8:30. Then it was just waiting. And I waited. I waited and waited. Nervous all of the sudden. I mean, usually somebody buys something within 10 minutes of opening. But nothing doing. I mean, 9:30a came and went. Nothing. Then 9:45a. Nothing. But then the flood gates opened. I was slinging Bubbys nonstop for two hours until I ran out. I mean, it was before noon, but not by much. I mean, I guess I have to up my game ATBMS. There is no other way. I mean, I guess tomorrow morning I will go to China Town and buy another chafing dish. Champagne problems all of the sudden.
Also, I had my first Gluten Free customer. I mean, I brought two of the things I had spent some time making yesterday. One for myself and one for the Putin of Gluten. But some chick came around looking for GF and I was like, "Well, I have one here if you want to try and tell me what you think. I won't charge you if you give me an honest opinion." I mean, I thought she would ditch and come back with the results. Instead she stood there with her boyfriend and gave me a bite to bite accounting of things. She said the dough was dry but tasty. That I needed to rest the dough for a long time before baking. That the innards were delish. How did I make it so tasty? Do I get beef from around here? I told her the beef was local. Meaning, I buy it over there at the local Shaw's. I mean, I kept that to myself, but still, I wasn't necessarily lying. I mean, maybe by omission, but still. I won't lose any sleep over it ATBMS.
I mean, even the Putin of Gluten did the same thing with the one I made for him. He had some ideas. Ideas I will probably ignore. I mean, he gave me a great recipe to me, but I think he is off the mark a little when it comes to what I am going for. I mean, we will see. His "Helpful Criticisms" were mainly just mansplaining critiques. Either way, he ate it and liked it, and that was enough. I mean.
I mean, after I sold out I just kind of dangled around. I got into a conversation with the Upskirter about books. She is an auther herself. I mean, she has written two health, or welfare books. About the power of CBD and whatever. I mean, for some reason she didn't hand me her book to look at, and I didn't ask to look at it, but I am genuinely curious. She seems very smart, actually. I mean, by actually I mean, I only know her from her random statements about how your heart gets too full of emotions sometimes so you need to take some special potions. And that she gives repeat customers free shipping for life. Which seems macabre to me. I mean, for life? That's pretty dark. And free shipping? In this economy? Abolish Dejoy! But it was nice to talk about books with her. She seemed genuinely interested in what I was doing. I think I will give her a copy of Cooking Cockroach or Killing the Math, or both.
I mean, she didn't show me her naked vagina today. She was wearing a snatch covering outfit. Like her skirt had a tail on it. I mean, good or bad. I mean, I do always enjoy a good upskirt, but today, I mean, it has been a while. I will just leave it at that. I mean, after the conversation I kind of just slowly packed my things. Making sure to be ready to tear down at 1p exactly and hit the skids directly afterwards. I mean, when 1p came I was broken down and moving the signage and cones to the storage shed within 10 minutes. I was on the road by 1:19p. Taking the quick roads back. No scenic route for me, sadly. I got to Beaver Haus at 1:39p after some annoying traffic in the canyon. I unloaded like the wind. Then I put the air conditioners in the trunk of Junior Mint. Filled my thermos with cold coffee. Made sure my bag was packed and was on the road by 1:50p. I mean, luckily I went back inside to double check, otherwise I would have forgotten my phone. Which would have sucked. I would have had to go back once I realized. But I didn't need to realize. I flipped the goats the bird as I pulled out of the driveway, and that was that.
I mean, the drive down to the City was mostly uneventful. I listened to Donkey BOT. Which, man! It is good! So good! Shane did a fantastic job! I mean, I think I may need to have a talk with him about maybe changing some "Accents" he does for the Mexican character. Seneca Michael Miguel. I mean, there are moments when it almost sounds like he is doing a "Mexican" accent, and sadly, that fish don't fry these days ATBMS. But hopefully I can get a second opinion and the Publisher or Scott or Professor Curly can take a listen. See if I am being sensitive or not. I mean, we'll see. I mean, still, it is hard to listen to somebody else reading your work. It is a mind-fuck, actually. It really lays it bare. But I will say, the book is hilarious. Consider yourself warned. Feel free to order the series:
I mean, I pulled into Big Town around 6:30p. I hit some pretty horrible traffic, but luckily I was able to circumnavigate the worst of it. I mean, I got to the apartment by 7:30p. Parked at a hydrant on the corner. Unloaded the air conditioners. Took them to the steps. Went back and got my bag and stuff. Went inside. Professor Curly was getting ready for a party she was going to. Happy birthday, Ari! I mean, I thought about going with her, but it was either that or this. And I chose this. I mean, if I wasn't leaving at 5a on Monday, I would have gone, but I won't get another chance to write until next Thursday. I mean, I can't catch a break. If only people would buy more Donkeys. Maybe I wouldn't have to hustle my ass off just to spend two minutes with my beloved. I blame you for my circumstances. I hope you feel bad. You did this to me, Pecker! Remember that? When Pecker made his friend famous so he had to start stripping for some reason? I can never find the clip, so you will just have to remember it. But it was funny. That move is funny. Pecker [Italics.]
I mean, I guess that is it. The air conditioner is really socking it to me right now. I had to put a long sleever on. I mean, I probably should have gone to the party. But it is complicated. I have been up since 5a, I am burnt and exhausted. Tomorrow is going to be insane. We need to drive to Philly to get out of the artist housing. Then drive back. Transfer a bunch of shit into Junior Mint. Then go to Jess's show at Abron's Art Center, then I need to get up at 4a on Monday so I can drive to Portland. I mean, I can't have it all. I just can't. Like triage in battle, sometimes you have to make tough decisions. That is a line from The Day After Tomorrow [Italics.] I mean, I was glad that I could write on Roach Town [Italics] last night. I mean, with fiction, you have to keep moving, or you lose it. I mean, I have about six novels that are half-finished because I let them stagnate. I mean, some things are important. And you can't just let them slide because you want to get your swerve on ATBMS. I mean, it would have been nice to see old friends, but tomorrow would be Hangover City, Population: Moi. And, frankly, I don't have time to be hungover right now. I mean, Junior Mint is in dire straights. I need to deal with the brakes ASAP, not AMEC on this one. I mean, and I think the muffler is about to fall off. And he needs an oil change. And I won't lie, I am in a state of mourning right now. America is looking more and more fucked with each passing Supreme Court decision. I mean, Last Good Summer Part Two is in effect. If this doesn't kick us into high gear, I believe we are, I don't even want to think about it. The time is now.
But there is no reason to dwell at the moment. I can say my piece and keep active. I don't need to explain how important and dangerous things are. That this effects every single one of us. Not just people that can have babies. No, that argument is such bullshit that I want to strangle every cis dude that keeps saying these laws don't affect them, but, with a big, BUT. This isn't a time for the whole Luis CK "Now I just need to listen..." bullshit. Now is when you scream at the top of your fucking lungs. You do it on the street, you do it at the ballot box, you do it to your neighbors and family and friends. And don't donate to the Democratic Party. Those feckless cunts got us into it. Big Tits McGee and the Reading Glasses Grampa can fuck right off with their "Strong Republican Party" bullshit while supporting anti-choice Dems at the same time. Donate where it counts. Like Planned Parenthood, and the million other pro-bodily autonomy causes. The Democratic leadership needs to learn a fucking lesson real fucking quick. Get on board or get the fuck out of the way.
I mean, I am sorry for politics, but this isn't politics, this is human rights. And guess what? The Racist Right is officially taking them from us. Who could have seen it coming?
Anyway. I mean, I was hoping to end on a high note, let me see if I can find something. I brought a jug of Ticklers down from Vermont. I mean, the thing exploded when I opened it because it had been bouncing around in the trunk for five and a half hours without working shocks. I mean, that is not really a high note, but it is funny. I mean, I really do think I should put a few gallons of the stuff in the trunk for like a few months. See what happens. I mean, all that agitation might be good for them? Can you put bubbles in Ticklers this way? The science kind of suggests no, but then again, I mean, will the bubbles like fuse to the liquid at some point? I mean, it can't actually be good for the flavor. I mean, forcing all that oxygen around, but still, maybe it would be a good trade-off, to have bubbles, but with a more "Complex" flavor? I mean, Brother Luke had a beer emergency the other day. I mean, I probably can't talk about it, so I won't, but let me say, brewing on the scale that the company he works for, who, I guess I am now working for, things are a motherfucker sometimes. I mean, when things go wrong, they go really wrong. I mean, I mess up a batch and the only people that suffers is me. When they mess up a batch, it has wide-reaching consequences. I mean, they have robots in the factory. Cool robots. With like big arms and stuff. That can flip kegs over and whatever. I mean, it is pretty cool to see. Vats! Everywhere, vats! And bags and bags of yeast and hops and whatever else. All day and all night. Brewing and brewing. I mean, it is kind of insane. And it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I mean, nobody will go broke betting on alcohol. Even if Hollywood tells you otherwise. I mean, this is serious business. I mean, consider Strange Brew [Italics.] See, I don't know if I need to italicize movies. Do I? Either way.
[Insert Strange Brew Drinking All The Beer]
I mean, this is what I think of when I am working there. I mean, how are the Canadians so hilarious? Anyway. Smell ya on the flip-side.