[16] Soft Elbows Final

[16]

Whatever. I mean, I don't even know what to say about anything anymore. I mean, I think something must be happening. I mean, I am a little freaked out about it. Not scared, I suppose. More like confused. I mean, I keep getting these feelings coming from somewhere. Somewhere beside me. I mean, besides me, I guess is what you would say. I mean, I feel slimy, like gross. I mean, at least the teenager's boner feelings are gone. For the most part. I mean, I do feel like some sort of release is building up. I mean, it isn't the worst feeling. More like, I don't know, a clearing of sorts. I mean, I don't know how to describe it, not really. I mean, hear me out because I am about to get gross again, have you ever picked your nose and like a really big booger came out? And like a bunch of snot came with it? And, like, I mean, your nostril is suddenly very clean? Like you didn't even know your nose was plugged but then all the sudden you could breath really good? Like that, but like in reverse, well, not reversed, but like, I don't know, like I don't know! This is very frustrating. I wish I could explain it better. I mean, okay, say you had like a sheath or something around your dick or something, I mean, maybe you don't have a dick, but something like a dick. Like you had a very sensitive part of your body that was like sticking out and hard or something, I mean, I would say a finger or something, but not. I mean, a finger is wrong. I mean, a dick is wrong too, but think back to being a teenager and like everything was sensitive and you just needed to scratch and pull and pinch and squeeze and sometimes things would come out, like puss or boogers or I don't know, dick stuff. And then there you were feeling emptied out or whatever. Like an ingrown hair or something. Like you didn't even know there was an itch way down inside your body but once it was gone. I mean, to go back to the sheath on your dick, say you pulled the thing off and then there was like a cool breeze or something. And all the itching was gone and the thing started to dry up or something. Like that. I mean, I don't even know how to say it and I don't mean to be gross about it, but that is what I feel like right now. Like something squeezed loose and I am just flapping here in the breeze or whatever. I mean, I don't even know. Like, I guess this is what death is? I mean, I can only assume that is what is happening, but I don't feel any different in my brain or whatever. My eyes are working just fine. My ears are working just fine. I mean, I don't even know. I mean, it's not like my body is back or anything, it is just that I feel so very exposed and venerable, but I don't know what to do about it. I mean, I kind of want to just get the hell out of here. Get away as fast as I can. But something tells me I can't outrun whatever this is. I mean, it feels deeply connected to everything around me, but yet, it also feels so far away and yet very close. I mean, I don't know, I just don't know. I mean, I don't even know. I mean, the tight hotel sheets feeling is long gone. I mean, I guess that is what really changed. That feeling went away in what seems like a dramatic fashion, yet nothing changed. I mean, I do feel free somehow. Like I could fly up to heaven or something. I mean, maybe that is it? Maybe I am supposed to will myself to the sun or something. I mean, I do have a compulsion to go towards any light I see. I mean, the small thing of light coming from the street lamp out by the street is really yanking on my heart strings. I mean, I am filled with a sudden beaconing, I guess. I mean, in a way. Like the darkness of this room is starting to really make me feel anxious. I mean, I don't feel safe here anymore. I mean, I feel both annoyed and scared at the same time. Like I know where safety is, I just can't get to it. I mean, I kind of want to go crawl under the bed or something and wait until morning and then make a run for it. But I can't. I mean, I am no more capable of doing that than I am getting back into my car a driving back to Casper. I mean, not that my car is anywhere near this skanky motel. I mean, not anymore. That became very apparent when the business couple hit the road with the duffel bag. I mean, my poor car. I hope they are good to it. Change the oil and what not. I mean, that thing has been with me for a while now. And I have spent quite a bit of good mojo keeping it nice and tight. Clean. The wipers fresh. The gas tank full. I mean, the tires pressurized. I mean, I never once had a flat tire in that guy. I mean, I even kept the spare tire nice and ready just in case. Never needed it though. I just hope those assholes know this. I mean, I would think it would become apparent the second they got the thing on the road. But you never know. I mean, most people are idiots and as far as I can tell, these idiots are also murderers, so, I mean, I doubt they will respect my car, but you never know. I mean, I would think if you were a murderer you would want to be meticulous. And, I mean, I could see Gay being meticulous, but Robert? That guy kind of seemed like a dolt to me. But whatever, what is done is done. I mean, it's not like I can haul ass and go get them. Rough them up a bit. Get my car back. See what is in the duffel bag. I mean, I am sure it is money, but you never know. I mean, it might just be a treasure trove of nude pictures that Danny takes of the Matron and they are delivering them to some nudey magazine or something. I mean, that is just stupid thinking, but I mean, really you can never tell anymore. I mean, I can't. I can't because I am stuck dangling in this skanky motel feeling more freaked out by the moment. Really fighting this strong desire to fly off into the light coming in through the curtains. I mean, I don't know. I mean, it also doesn't help that those fucking crickets won't shut the fuck up. I mean, really? What are they up to? I mean, I really don't get how they have managed to stay on this earth as long as they have if this is how they behave. I mean, why aren't there like armies of mice just having a field day here? I mean, they just won't shut up. And not only that, but what is the point? I mean, they must just be starving by the time morning comes around. Starving and exhausted. Then what? They go have some communal breakfast in the field across the way? Like just eating grass or whatever. Talking about how satisfying last nights boner violin contest went? I mean, then I guess they all take a nap until nightfall comes around again and do the same shit all over again? I mean, I really do find it confounding. And I wish that I had some sort of answer. I mean, if you ask me, right now, at this very second, I would rather know what the crickets do in the day time than I would about where my body was. Or what happened to me. Or Sniffles or JuJu Beans. I mean, I can only assume I am buried in a shallow grave and Sniffles and JuJu Beans are on their way to California. I mean, that is what I would be doing if it was me. I mean, I should have done that last week. Or the week before. Or the year before. I mean, I guess my only regret in life was not doing the shit that I should have done three days ago. Which was not coming to Lander, I won't say it, Wyoming. I mean, why did I answer the phone? Why did I drop everything and come here? Why did I stop to get a bottle of gin and a pack of Doral 100s? I mean, I guess if I regret anything it is that I am an idiot. I mean, I suppose I deserve everything I get at this point, because I certainly brought it on myself. I mean, whoa. Shit. I think I might have done it. I am officially exhausted. Like I feel exhausted. Like actually feel exhausted. Like maybe I can sleep now. I mean, shit, I don't want to sleep now. I am afraid to sleep. If I go to sleep I don't think I will wake back up. How is that for irony? Fuck. That irony sucks. I mean, I would have killed for sleep just a few hours ago and now that my life depends on it, I won't do it. I refuse. I mean, god himself is going to have to come down and get me. I am not going. I refuse. I am not done here. This is not how it ends for me. I am too young. I have too much money hidden in my apartment. I mean, Sniffles couldn't have found it all. That guy doesn't have the patience to look in the sneaky spots. I mean, maybe patience is the wrong word. That guy is too lazy to go find that screwdriver and take a few screws out from under the radiator. I mean, I can see him eating half the sandwich I had left in the fridge, but I can't see him actually working to find the remaining money. I just don't see it. I mean, when I get out of here I am going straight back to Casper. I will get the remaining money. I will go out and find a car. And that's it. I am heading to California. I am. I just am. I mean, no one can stop me. Not even god himself. I mean, you'll see. When the morning comes and the Matron comes in to fart one out, I am out of here! I don't know how or with what ability, but I am gone! You'll see! I mean, you'll have no choice but to see because I will scream it from the rooftops. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I just need a little break. For now. I a little rest. Something to help out my mind. I mean, the crickets are singing me a little lullaby. I can feel the tenderness coming from them. I mean, maybe I am wrong about them. Maybe they aren't all bad. I mean, they are kind of sweet if you think about it. I mean, who writes a nice song like that for a guy like me that has been talking so much shit about them all this time? I mean, I don't even know. It's nice though. A little bit of Old Dan Tucker mixed in. I mean, I don't know. I am going to have a little listen for now. Just to clear my head a little.

What the fuck! How did you let me fall asleep? That was cruel, man. That was fucking cruel. I mean, how long have I been out? The crickets. The crickets? They've gone. I mean, fuck. I shouldn't do that. I need to not do that. Okay, relax. It's fine. I am still here. God didn't come get me like I thought. I mean, shit. I don't know, I mean, I can see some dawn peaking through. That is good. I am feeling better. I will say that. I mean, my god, I feel ten times better. That's crazy. How long had I gone? I mean, I must have been awake for days, right? I mean, I don't know what I mean. I mean, I feel very strong now. Like amazingly strong. I mean, the sun. The sun is beaconing. I want it. Let me at it! I want it bad. I mean, I don't know. I want out. I want out of this room. I need to get out. I just need to. I can't stand another minute here. I mean, can't someone come get me? Release me? I mean, I am aching to get out there. To get out. I need to get out. I just need to. I mean, my god, this is too much. I really don't know what to do about anything. I mean, I don't fucking know what I mean. This is torture. I mean, is there no end to this suffering? I mean, kill me now because this is too much. I haven't felt this amount of longing ever. I mean, I just need to get out there. I need to get out. I need it. Now. Now! Now! Now!

Oh, good. The Matron is back! She is coming into the room. No cart this time. That is good, I guess. I mean, I don't know why, but still, maybe she heard my cries for help? I mean, she is not looking in my direction. She is taking off her bologna sandwich track suit. Now she is naked. Looking around for something. I guess. I mean, maybe not. I mean, she is just kind of looking around. I mean, it looks like she can't decide if she wants to get under the covers of the bed or not. I mean, she is going into the bathroom. I can hear the sink running. She is splashing water around. Now she is coming out. Drying her butt and her privates. She has dropped the towel on the floor. She got on top of the bed. The bottom of the bed. She is squatting there. Her ass pointed at the window. Oh, she is getting back up. She went to the door. She cracked it open. Now she is getting back onto the bed. Squatting. Her ass pointed at the window. Is she planning a trick? Like maybe Danny is supposed to come check on the room and she will give him a big surprise? I mean, that is what it seems like. I mean, I don't know what else is supposed to happen. I mean, she isn't moving. I mean, not at all. She isn't even playing with herself. The tv is off. I mean, this must be some sort of trick, right? I mean, it seems like a very juvenile trick, but whatever. She is kind of a pervert if you ask me. From what I have seen, but whatever. I mean, to each their own is what I think. But still, this just seems really weird. I mean, I won't lie, I don't really care. I mean, that crack in the door. The light coming in. I mean, I want it. I want that light. I want to get out there. I need to get out there. I need to get into that sun. To feel it. To get felt by it. I mean, I really do. I mean, I am very confused by the Matron right now, but still, it is the least of my problems. Maybe if I yell:

MATRON! MATRON! LOOK UP HERE!

Nothing. I mean, I didn't hear anything either. Just my dumb brain screaming, but it didn't hurt to try, right? I mean, how am I going to get her attention? I mean, I don't even know her name. Maybe that is the problem:

JUDY! HEY JUDY! TRACEY! YO TRACEY! ESMERELDA! HEY ESMERELDA! SHANDY! HEY SHANDY!

Nothing. I mean, fuck. This is really the worst. I can see my way out, yet I got nothing. Less than nothing. I am mute. I am dumb. I am just a dangling booger here. A worthless hunk of junk just screaming nonsense into the void. All thoughts and no voice. I mean, fuck. Fuck is all I can say about it. I feel feckless and impotent. Useless. I mean, I am just a big ball of pure useless ambition. Screaming nonsense on deaf ears. I mean, I don't even know what to say about it. I mean, even saying fuck just makes me feel like a boob. I mean, what is the point in experiencing frustration when nobody gives two shits either way? I mean, if I could just gather all my exhaustion and disillusion into a single scream that even god himself couldn't ignore. I mean, that is what I need to do. I mean, that is stupid. I can't even smell shit, what makes me think I can muster some primal scream that even the universe could hear? I mean, I don't fucking know what to do. I guess I can watch the Matron for a while. See what kind of trick she has planned for poor unsuspecting Danny. I mean, it is kind of funny if you think about it. The Matron on all fours. Her ass pointed at the window. Just waiting for Danny to come in a get a great big eyeful. I mean, I will hand it to her. I mean, I guess this is how she passes the time around this skanky bore-fest. I mean, why she is doing it here, in room number three as Robert pointed out, I mean, I don't know. But it should be funny to see the face that Danny makes. I mean, who knows, maybe she does this all the time. And Danny will just shake his head or something. I mean, I guess. I mean, the more time I watch this spectacle the more I am starting to realize it is something more sinister than a simple trick on poor Danny. I mean, it is starting to become obvious that something sexual is happening. I mean, she has been crouched down like that for I don't even know how long. Ten minutes, twenty? I mean, I am trying not to pay attention to the crack in the door. I mean, the sun is really shining now. I mean, the room is starting to come into full relief. What a fucking dump this place is. I mean, I am gross myself and this place gives me the shivers. I mean, maybe I am not that gross, but you know what I mean. I mean, I don't really have a problem with things being gross. I mean, that isn't exactly true. I mean, I don't even know what I am trying to say, aside from the fact that the room is looking really very skanky right now and the Matron on all fours with her butthole shooting directly at the windows, I mean, I guess she doesn't want everyone in the world to see because she left the curtains closed, but she did leave the door cracked open. I mean, she is expecting someone. Whoever that is, is surely taking their time. I guess. Or maybe that is part of it? I mean, I can't see her face. It is buried in her hands. I mean, her elbows are on the bed. If that makes sense. Her elbows on the bed. Her head in her hands. Her knees on the edge of the bottom of the bed. Her butthole pointed at the windows. I mean, I think that describes it. I mean, this was weird before, now it is getting very odd indeed. I mean, what is she waiting for? I mean, maybe she is under duress? Like she ate a bad burrito or something? Like maybe she is waiting for a giant fart to come out? I mean, I can't tell if she is in pain or not. I mean, she isn't really moving. She is just squatting there. Waiting. I mean, what kind of game is this? I don't get it. I mean, who does this? I mean, it isn't sexual at all. It is just some weird yoga thing or something, I mean. Or am I missing something? Is this some sort of new fad? To get naked in skanky motel room and stick your ass into the air for an hour? I mean, the sun is really coming in now. I can see hairs on her butthole. On her ass cheeks. I mean, no offense, but the clean-up job she did in the bathroom wasn't a very good job. I mean, I don't mean to be gross, but whoever is coming to find her is going to get a very dirty eyeful. I mean, maybe that is part of it too? I mean, maybe she is just sunning her backside? I mean, sure, I doubt it, I mean, why leave the door cracked open then. I mean, I feel like I am solving a mystery that is not, in fact, a mystery. I think it is very obvious. I mean, where is whoever who is coming? I mean, I swear it has been an hour at least. I mean, the Matron's feet must be falling asleep. I mean, they are hanging over the bed. She isn't moving them. I mean, I guess the bed is soft, but she must be very uncomfortable after all this time, right? I mean, okay, I really don't know what is going on. I mean, the obvious thing must be true, but still, I mean, there is something else missing. I mean, right?

Well, shit. Somebody just pulled into the parking lot. Here we go. They are getting out of the car. Slamming the door. Okay, I can see a shadow. The door is opening. Fucking hell! Sniffles! Fucking Sniffles! That fucker! I mean, what the fuck? I mean he is dropping his pants. Okay, he is very erect. He is kicking his shoes off. His pony tail is over his shoulder. He kept his shirt on. Why is Sniffles here? He is wearing a Lander Valley Tigers swim team shirt. It says STATE CHAMPS and then lists the last twenty years. Did Sniffles become the swim team coach? I am very confused. He is walking behind the Matron. Okay, he got it in. He is smiling now. Pumping away. The Matron is looking up. Her hands are now on the bed. Her eyes are now closed. Her boobs are swinging with Sniffles' humping. He is really going to town. The Matron is biting her lip. Okay, she is farting. A lot. And loudly. Sniffles just reached over and plugged her butthole with his thumb. The farts are now squeaking noises. Sniffles is looking to the side. Trying to avoid the smells, I guess. He is making faces. But yet, he is still humping away. The Matron is really having it. I mean, if I learned anything every one of those farts is an orgasm. I mean, good for her. But Sniffles is looking a little taken aback. I think he might be over it because he is trying to finish, or that's what it looks like. He is breathing through his mouth now. Still humping though. Oh, now he is looking at me. He has a confused look on his face. He is slowing his humping. He is pursing his lips. The Matron just told him to keep going. Sniffles stopped humping. He is just staring right at me. I think he can see me. He is sniffling. I guess he started breathing through his nose again. I mean, not to be obvious, but he got his nickname from how much he sniffles. And right now he is sniffling up a storm. I mean, he just pulled his dick out of the Matron. He is walking around the side of the bed. He just lifted his left hand off of the Matron's butt cheek. His thumb came with it. Straight out of her butthole. She just asked, What is it? He said, I don't know. This little guy. Shit, he is coming closer. He is reaching up to me! The butthole thumb is coming closer. Closer! No! Use the other hand! Sniffles! His hand is all around me. I can't see anything. The Matron just let out a scream. What is happening?! I mean, I can't see anything. It feels like I am moving. But am I? I mean, I don't understand. Sniffles hand is hot. I can feel it! I can feel warmth! I don't get it. Is he killing me? Why am I still here? What is happening? There is sun coming in from in between his fingers. I can see his thumb. There are turds on it. Why is he rubbing turds on me. Oh! He opened his hand. The sun! So bright! I want it. Give it to me! My 2002 Sebring! Normal colored! Why does Sniffles now have my car? What the fuck? He is taking me to the car. I can see inside. The duffel bag is in the back seat. JuJu Beans! There you are, you poor thing. Sniffles! Roll down the window you animal! JuJu Beans is scratching at the window in the back seat. Oh my god, she is pissing. Fuck, JuJu Beans stop! Sniffles won't like that. Poor JuJu Beans! Sniffles! Roll the fucking window down! My god, what is happening? Now I am on top of my car. Sniffles just said:

"Here you go, little buddy. Fly away to freedom. You are free now. Fly like the wind."

What the hell does that mean? Sniffles is walking back into the motel room. JuJu Beans is barking. The car roof is hot. Too hot. I can't stand it. I am burning. Sniffles just slammed the door shut. Come back! Get me off of this car roof you fucker! My god, I am going to burn alive! I can't take it. Oh, shit. There is a breeze. This is not good. I can't hold on. What the fuck! I am, hey! I am in the air. My god, I am in the air now! I can move. By myself. I mean, am I flying? I am flying! What the fuck! I am flying! My god! What the fuck? I mean, okay. Okay, relax. I can do this. I just need to get over there. Get my bearings. That field looks good, right? I mean, nothing can get me there, right? I can just go over there and wait for a little while see what is going on, right? I mean, I am doing it. I am doing it. I am almost there. Okay, I just need to keep focusing. That thing looks good. I can land on that. Take a look around and maybe get my bearings. I mean, right? I mean, okay, I am almost there. Almost there. Almost there. And I am there! My god! What the absolute hell? I mean, okay relax. I mean, I am safe. There is nothing I can do about it. I mean, I must be miles from the motel room now. I mean, I can still hear JuJu Beans barking. Poor JuJu Beans. Sniffles! Roll down a window you animal! I mean, okay, I will go back and get her. I will, just give me a second. I need to get my bearings. I mean, okay, I guess I made it to the field across the way from the motel. I mean, I guess it wasn't miles, but still. I mean, I mean I must be on a blade of grass or something because I am not on the ground. I mean, what is this I am seeing? Are you fucking kidding me? Crickets? Crickets just eating grass? I mean, I was right? I mean:

"Hey!" Holy shit the crickets looked up!" What are you doing?"

"Breakfast, man. We spent the whole night yanking our violins and now we gotta replenish ourselves for tonight."

"Why don't you just get together and hump instead of playing your violins all night?"

"Oh, we hadn't thought of that."

"Really?"

"No, you fucking moron, we have a system."

"Your system sucks."

"Our system sucks? You should try it on for size. You think just dangling around in a skanky motel room all day is somehow better?"

"Well, I mean, whatever, I'm just saying."

"Keep it to yourself, you goon. Now leave us alone, we got shit to do."

I mean, a guy doesn't wake up with a mouthful of shag carpet with a dog licking his naked heel without knowing the reason why. I guess the reason I did was so that I could get sassed by some idiot crickets in a field after watching the Matron fart out orgasms while Sniffles bones her from behind. I mean, it takes all kinds to make a society, I guess. Now if you will excuse me, I have to get to that sun, I mean, I really really need to get to that sun. If I don't I fear I might die.

The End.