[17] Roach Town

[17]

Zone was hauling ass like a banshee being chased out of hell by a swarm of devil bees. He was zipping around corners, bouncing around on washboard, missing turns, having to slam on the brakes and back up. Then they came to a crossroads. Zone slammed the bakes so hard that Gagger smacked his forehead on the dashboard. Zone looked. And looked. Left to right. Right to left. Looking for a sign. Any sign. Dust clouds, tracks, anything. He saw nothing. No indication whatsoever of where the reporter had gone. He knew she was heading into town, or at least that is what he figured, but there was also no indication of which way town was. Going left actually meant going straight. Going right could mean anything. He didn't know. He didn't know where they had come from or where the roads would lead. He asked Gagger:

"Dude, man! What do you think?" Gagger was rubbing his forehead. Looking straight and right. Then straight then right again. He shrugged his shoulders. Zone said: "Man! You're no help! Flip a coin!" Gagger looked over at him. A bewildered look on his face. He said: "Man, I aint got no quarter." Zone was freaking out. He screamed: "Find one!" Gagger looked around. Nothing. He opened the glove box. Nothing but sucking candies. He took one out. Held it on his thumb. He said: "Heads, right, tails, straight." He flipped the sucking candy. He caught it and slapped it on top of his left hand. He took his other hand away. The candies wrapper opening was facing up. Zone nearly blew a gasket. He whistled like a tea kettle: "What the fuck does that mean?!" Gagger shrugged. He said: "Um, straight I guess." Zone stepped on the gas. This gave Gagger whiplash. His head bounced against the head rest. Hitting something hard. He rubbed the back of his head. Looked over at Zone. Annoyed. Zone took a corner too fast and Gagger slid over to the left. He wasn't wearing his seatbelt. Zone elbowed him to get him to go back. This landed in-between two of Gagger's ribs. He put his seatbelt on. He was starting to get angry with Zone. In the last few minutes he'd injured his forehead, the back of his head and his ribs. Zone's driving was beating him up. They hit some washboards, the van fishtailed and next thing either of them knew, they were down in a ditch. Zone jumped out of the van and ran around the front. He climbed out of the ditch and took a look from the road. Then he ran around to the back of the van. Then he started pushing on the van for some reason. When this didn't do anything he walked over to the tire next to the road and kicked it. Gagger watched him from the sideview mirror. He unbuckled his seatbelt and tried to get out. The van was at such a sharp angle it took quite a bit of effort to achieve this goal. When he finally extricated himself from the van the door slammed behind him. Zone was looking out over the field towards town. Hoping to get a glimpse of the reporter or something. Gagger, even more annoyed than before said:

"Well, it serves you right, Roach Boy." Zone's ears stood up. He muttered "Fuck!" under his breath. Not because he had gotten the van stuck or that they lost track of the reporter, but because he had gambled and lost, and because of his idiot actions, that, had they succeeded Gagger would be singing his praises, no, instead, Gagger was now calling him Roach Boy again. The failure was humiliating to Zone.

He said: "Don't start." Gagger was incredulous.

He started screaming: "Me! Don't start? Your dumb-ass just got us stuck in some ditch because some lame-ass reporter with clean hair might beat you to the punch? Fuck you, dog! You can shove that attitude right up where the sun can't wipe! You know what you are, what you really are, Roach Boy? Do you know what you are? You're a self-absorbed prick who has the patience of a mosquito, man! Ooh, yum-yum blood, why don't I got get some more and get slapped to death in the process. Yeah, real fucking mature, man! You know what I think of your bullshit? I think your bullshit is a hunk of turds that can rot in a toilet for all I care! Fuck!"

The two detectives must have been still high from the hippy hearse driver's weed because Gagger's monologue made them burst out laughing like teenage dipshits sitting in their parents basement doing gravity bong rips. They laughed until their stomachs hurt. They both had tears in their eyes when they were done. Gagger stopped laughing first. He lit a cigarette and handed it to Zone. Then he lit one for himself. They stood there smoking. Looking at the van. Shaking their heads. Zone said:

"What now?" Gagger didn't know. He turned around and looked out on the vistas. The farmland. Then he looked down the road. He turned around and looked up the road. He took a drag from his cigarette. He finally decided what he thought. He said:

"We can walk, or we can stay here." Zone had come to the same conclusion. Walking seemed like a pain in the ass. But dangling around was also a pain in the ass. Zone said:

"Stay here, if anyone comes around pull them over. I'm going to go have a look-see around the corner there."

Zone started walking. The corner was further away than he thought. He almost turned around, but his curiosity propelled him further. He eventually got there. He was glad that he had kept walking. Up ahead the dirt road met with asphalt. He turned around and walked until he could see Gagger again. He put his two pinkies in his mouth and whistled to Gagger. Gagger was sitting down on the road. Throwing rocks. He heard the whistle and looked over. Zone was waving his arms above his head. When he noticed that Gagger could see he started doing a "Come this way!" maneuver. Very dramatic. Then he whistled again. Gagger looked at him. Zone was doing a thing with his hands that Gagger couldn't quite get. He threw his arms up in a "What?" maneuver. Zone started spelling it out like some sort of lanky, middle-aged, vulture cheerleader. He made a "K" then an "E" then a "Y" then a very pathetic "S." Like he was diving off a diving board into a pool. Gagger smiled at this. He walked down into the ditch. Got into the van and turned it on. He rolled the windows up. He turned the van off. He locked it. Put the keys in his pocket. Climbed back out of the ditch and walked towards Zone. He caught up. Handed Zone the keys. Zone complained. He said:

"I don't want those keys clogging up my pockets, dog." Gagger retorted:

"You think I do? Your mess, man, you get the fallout." Zone wasn't happy about it, but he took the keys. As they walked into town the keys kept poking his leg. He kept moving them from pocket to pocket, hoping things would get better. They never did. He almost hid them under a rock to come back and get later, but Gagger stopped him. Telling him that was a horrible idea. Zone had to agree with him. It was a very stupid idea. Eventually he got used to them. Even though they were incredibly persistent in their annoyance.

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The walk into town was straight downhill for at least a mile. Maybe more. They had to get out of the way for cars approaching multiple times. Even though the speed limit sign read 30 MPH, there was no way to go that slow without riding your brakes, so the cars cruised by faster than they should have been driving. The detectives would have to move over to the barrier that kept the cars and trucks from going over the edge and into the ravine that was next to the road. They got honked at a few times. Which annoyed Gagger. He would say every time: "Ever hear of giving us a ride, you douche?" Nobody gave them a ride. The road was so steep that they walked at weird angles. Like something out of a silent film. Letting the audience know the protagonists were walking down a steep hill or something. Except it was true for the two detectives. The backs of their legs got sore. And their ankles were dodgy. They were very glad to be on level ground when they finally got into town. They walked by the road that led to the murder greenhouse and the hippy hearse drivers house. Zone made a note of this. That the van was stuck up at the first left past the road to the greenhouse. He would have to tell Bonny this. Something he didn't want to do. She would be upset, for sure. And it would be a pain in the ass to go get the van. They would need a truck or something. Zone was feeling nervous about going back and dealing with the fallout. The only thing in his favor was Gagger and the fact that he and Bonny seemed to have some sort of sick sexual thing happening. Like maybe she wouldn't care too much if it meant she could ride the smelly stallion bastard again. But still, Zone didn't feel like dealing with it. Which is why he suggested that they stop in at the bar on the edge of the town square and get a little lunch maybe, or at least a beer or two. Gagger was not hard to convince. In fact, he was thinking the exact same thing.

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Siobhan was standing behind the bar when they walked in. The place seemed quiet, but in a way that suggested they had just missed something. There were dirty tables. Exhausted looking wait staff. The kitchen sounded like a million dishes were being washed. Siobhan let out a squeal. She spoke with her accent. English? It has to be English, right? Zone was thinking. It wasn't Irish. Or was it? Zone didn't know accents. Siobhan squealed:

"The detectives! Lucky meeee!" Her boobs were a map of the Grand Canyon. Bursting out of her long sleeved, and very tight shirt. Zone couldn't take his eyes off of them. He really wanted to motor-boat the beasts. Do a black-eye maneuver, just to find out. As inelegant as her personality was, her tits were top notch. Zone and Gagger sat down at the bar. Zone, very aware of his hands and body. He didn't want a repeat of last time. Although, he was much more well rested this time. He was not nearly as sensitive to her plying as last time. Even still, he was wary of her actions. He said:

"What'd we miss? Did a bomb go off?"

Siobhan squealed again: "That accent! I could just eat it with a spoon! You guys are as cute as a kitten!" Zone and Gagger blushed. Gagger said:

"Yeah, this kitten here is a real pussy whisperer, aint you, Roach Boy?" Zone looked over. Gagger was smiling. His stupid broken tooth reflected in the sunlight shooting in from the back doors. Siobhan said:

"Oh, now, don't get nasty. The night is still early." She winked at Zone. Zone looked down. She continued, taking Zone's question seriously. She said: "You just missed the lunch rush. And be glad about it too, the jumble was a doozy." Zone didn't like that answer. He said:

"What time is it?" Siobhan looked over at some clock Zone and Gagger couldn't see. She said:

"1:14." Zone didn't like that answer even more. He said:

"What kind of lunch rush ends by one?" Siobhan scoffed at this. She said:

"Oh, it looks like someone has never worked in hospitality before. I feel like you should know these things. Being a detective and all." Gagger got involved. He said:

"Zone here has never worked an honest day in his life. He wouldn't know hard work if it fell on his satin pillow and ripped a page out of his Wall Street Journal. He'd just call his butler over and ask him for a different newspaper." Siobhan thought this was the funniest thing she had ever heard. She laughed so hard that Zone thought she was having a stroke. When she finished she said:

"What'll it be?" Zone and Gagger spoke at the same time. "Beers." Siobhan said:

"Jinx! You owe me a beer, too!" She poured three beers. Then she handed them out. Then she made a very decided and invasive look-me-in-the-eye thing while holding up her own beer to clink. They all said "Cheers" in turn. Siobhan drank half of hers in one chug. She put it down on the drip mat and said:

"Damn! That first gulp! Am-I-right?" The detectives did the same thing because she was right. A waitress came by at that moment. She said:

"Siobhan, what did I tell you about drinking beers on your shift?" Siobhan hit back without any sense of irony. She said:

"These gentlemen bought it for me, Candace. I can't turn them down now, you know that." Candace didn't buy it. She said:

"Yeah, whatever, bus ten and twelve, please." Siobhan looked annoyed. She knew she was walking a fine line. But she was a decent bartender, so she probably wouldn't be fired for drinking on the job. But she needed the job, so she said "Excuse me, sweeties." She walked out from behind the bar and started bussing tables. Gagger and Zone tried to nurse their beers, but they were too tasty. They went down pretty quick. They needed another before Siobhan was done bussing. Zone sat there looking at her beer. Half-full. He was about to pour half of it in Gagger's pint glass and half in his own when she came back. She filled up their glasses again without saying anything. Then she poured three shots of whiskey. She said:

"Bottoms up!" She slammed the empty shot glass down on the bar. Upside down. Chugged her beer and went back to work. Zone and Gagger did their shots and tried to nurse their beers. This time it was easier. And without Siobhan standing there making them uncomfortable, they were able to relax.

The next little while was pleasant. The two detectives didn't speak to each other. They just mused by themselves. Kind of aware of their surroundings. The comings and goings of the place. Zone was hungry, but he didn't feel like eating. Gagger was in the same boat. They were not really in the mood anymore for fighting crime. The van getting stuck in the ditch had kind of took it out of them. Although they did need to deal with the van and that was a problem. But Zone had the keys and the van wasn't going anywhere. The murder itself was not going to get solved anytime itself, but so what? It wasn't really their job. They had no dominion around here. Zone was curious about where the Reporter Constance had gone. Her cousin Dell's place. He felt like he knew where it was. Had she mentioned a pottery studio, or had that been something he imagined? Or had he seen a sign for Dell's Pottery on the way into Rochester? Zone had a weird memory. Some things were very specific, like he could remember details from something that nobody else in a million years would notice, but then at the same time, he would forget conversations he had just minutes ago because something would distract him. So he was always trying to sort this out. Did Constance tell him about the Pottery Barn, or had he just seen the sign? He didn't know. But what he did know was that they were related, and if he wanted to find the reporter, he knew where she would be. But then again, did he actually want to find her? For sure she was talking to her cousin, and for sure her cousin's child was the murder victim. But was that true? That conversation with the hippy hearse driver, Laserbeam Sunrise, had surely sent the reporter into a frenzy. Meaning that whoever was murdered the reporter knew who it was. And that person's mother was the Reporters cousin. Who was named Dell. Who, may or may not have a Pottery Barn on the edge of town coming into Rochester, Vermont. Not Rochester, New York, which, fucking Gagger, was now, once again calling Zone, Roach Boy because of how he didn't understand that they were in Vermont instead of New York. Either way. Zone became lost in thought. Gagger too. They were able to think. To relax. To nurse their beers. Because Siobhan was busy doing work. Trying not to get fired from her job by drinking. And this was great and all, up until the moment that they needed another beer. At that point, Zone and Gagger were cognizant of their surroundings again. Wondering where the hell the British Menace had gone. With her big ol' tits and fondness for the detectives.

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Now, a funny thing happened while Siobhan was gone. Zone remembered the Orange Sunshine. It was in his wallet. He did a sneaky thing and broke some pieces off without anyone noticing. He handed one to Gagger who said:

"Don't mind if I do." Zone took a chunk himself. They drank their beers waiting for the stuff to get going. Deciding not to go for lunch. Which was whatever. The booze and drugs would easily suffice. But what happened next really broke the case open. Because by the time the Orange Sunshine kicked in, Siobhan was back. And she poured them new beers. Which was nice. But then she was really in a mood about things. She was complaining about work. About how hard she worked and that she needed a break, just for a moment, like c'mon! And Zone, being in some hyper-focused state, suggested they go smoke. And boy! was that a good idea! Siobhan decided. And, for some reason, Gagger in his infinite wisdom didn't want anything to do with Zone and Siobhan's smoke break. Zone found this odd, but he let it slide. Maybe Gagger was just lamenting about his loves in the world and needed a moment to himself, that or he was thinking about taking a shit, that was more probable. Plus he was probably a little curious about how Zone would handle Siobhan, alone in a back alley, which was a becoming a point of great amusement to Gagger. Zone tried to convince him to come. Gagger refused. Zone said:

"Your loss." Gagger didn't see it that way.

He said: "Yeah, we'll see." Zone looked at him after that statement. He knew he was in for it. But the di had been cast. Still, even as Zone walked out into the parking lot with Siobhan, he wasn't entirely sure of Gagger's motivation. It didn't matter anymore, though. Zone was in it.

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Zone followed Siobhan around the corner of the place. A place to smoke, it turned out. Where the workers smoked. There was a bucket of cigarette butts. A fence so nobody could see things. It was peaceful and serene. Siobhan handed Zone a cigarette. She lit one herself. Handed Zone the lighter. She did all of the talking. Zone just kind of bobbed his head listening. She said:

"Yeah, I don't know, man, and then my ex comes over and takes the kids for the weekend, and here I am trying to get ready for work, but I can't get bottle of bleach that I need because the car is in the shop and she tells me she doesn't have time to take me into town, and what am I supposed to do? These sheets have been dirty for two weeks now and the youngest one has lice, but we can't do anything about so all the kids are now scratching their heads and I got this emergency room thing hanging over my head. Do you know what I mean, I can't even tell you how hard it is to feel these feelings." Zone listened, but he doesn't hear a single word she is saying. The amount of nonsense is astounding. There is no logic point. But he doesn't mind so much. Her breasts are heaving. Even as the tears roll down her face. Siobhan turned towards the sun. A row of mustache hairs pop out from her upper lip. Zone tries not to focus on them, but the Orange Sunshine is making it impossible. He is transfixed. Her story goes on and on. "And then when we get out of the driveway I notice the tire is flat, so I call my friend Stacey and she comes over, but her kid, Sedsel, she can't hang out with my kids because of the lice and they have to just say hello in the car, but then we get the tire fixed and I don't have any gas left now, so we have to go into town to fill up the gas can and I am wearing a shower cap now. Do you know what I mean?" Zone is nodding at this point. Focused on the mustache and the cleavage. He doesn't really care, or even know what the hell she is talking about. But then Siobhan says:

"I'm sorry. I will shut up. I know you want to motor-boat me. Here, give it a go!" Siobhan whips her giant tits out from their fabric jail. Zone's eyes explode. He is about to shove his face inside the canyons and brrumpff his way towards glory, in fact, he can't believe his luck. The tits are glorious! Maybe he imagines it, but there is religious music playing. The sun comes out from behind a cloud. He can't believe it! But then. Just as he is about to get down to business. On the side of her left boob, Zone sees the same tattoo that the body in the greenhouse had. The cockroach on it's back, with roses wrapped around it, except the roses have barbed wire for stems. And instead of having a glorious motor-boat, Zone grabs the tit, holds it to the side and exclaims:

"What the fuck is this?!" Siobhan looks down at her tattoo and says:

"What? You like? I am a member of the Roach Town Ticklers."

Zone said: "Roach Town Ticklers? No."

Siobhan said: "Yep, we got a thing and everything." Zone stood there holding her giant boob. Looking at the tattoo. Siobhan didn't understand why Zone was so interested. She said: "Is that all you got?" Zone started licking her nipple. Just to placate her. His eyes were open. Looking at the tattoo. Siobhan was neither turned on, nor neither not turned on. She really just liked the attention. Instead of forcing Zone to continue his charade, she pulled her tit over and said: "Look, it's a cockroach with a barbed wire rose going around it. We got them as a thing for our group." Zone stepped back. He was glad to see the jugs flapping in the breeze from a distance, but he was curious as hell about the tattoo.

He said: "You know a bleached blonde youngster that has the same tattoo?"

Siobhan said: "You mean, Misty? Yeah, I know her well. What do you mean? Why are you asking? Don't tell me you are asking for a reason. My god? Why are you asking me that? What are you doing in town? Misty, are you serious? What the fuck? Are you telling me that Misty is dead? My god! Nooo! Misty!" Zone didn't even say anything at all that would make Siobhan think that Misty was dead. But he got his motor-boat after all. Siobhan grabbed his head and thrusted it into her Grand Canyon cleavage. He had nipples for ears at this point. He was being shaken, back and forth. Tears falling onto his scalp. Siobhan's perfume was overwhelming. Zone got hard on accident. Instead of hugging her, he reached up and held onto her tits like they were life-rafts, drowning donuts. He kept kissing her nipples, thinking this would help. But it didn't help. She was bawling. And, Zone, being the detective that he was, he knew her tears were theatrical. But he didn't care. He was very happy where he was. He reached down and grabbed a handful of Siobahn’s wet crotch. Through her odd pants. Then he snuck inside and felt her lips and stuff. Playing with Soibahn’s clitoris. She stopped crying and went with it. He pulled her pants down below her butt and sucked on her nipple. At the same time playing with her things. Siobhan stopped crying. She held Zone's head just barely. Playing with his hair. Zone poked his erect dick into the air as he stood there bent over. He reached his other hand behind Siobhan's butt cheeks and slipped it in-between. He rubbed her butthole as he rubbed her clit. Sucking on her nipple. That was enough to send her over the edge. She came like a banshee getting chased out of hell by a swarm of devil bees. She paused for a second. Then she pushed Zone away and pulled her odd pants up. Zone didn't follow her. He instead licked his fingers, kind of pissed himself. Everyone was lying to him. He knew this now. He needed to get Gagger out of the bar before shit hit the fan. But then again. going back to Park House was also not right. Bonny was probably in cahoots as well. Zone had to go inside again. Whether Gagger was ready to go or not, didn't matter. They needed to act soon, and now. Zone walked back into the bar. Slugged the rest of his beer. Said to Gagger:

"Let's ditch!" Gagger was confused, but didn't question him. He had been very amused with the way that Siobhan had stormed back in. How she had ignored Gagger and gone straight to work. They were walking back up the hill into town when Gagger finally addressed what was happening.

He said: "What the hell, man. I don't want to climb this shit. Why can't we go back to the thing?" Zone was super-focused.

He said: "Sorry, Gag, shit has gone sideways."

Gagger said: "Can't I just wait here for you? There's no reason for both of us to go up, right?" Zone stopped walking. He looked at Gagger and his sad-dog expression.

He said: "Yeah, probably. But hey!" Gagger was glad that Zone was letting him go.

He said: "Yeah, what?"

Zone said: "Don't get too drunk, I'll need you."

Gagger said: "You got it, boss."

Zone said: "I'm serious, man. And don't go to Park House, promise me!"

Gagger said: "I promise!"

Zone said: "I mean it! Keep an eye on Siobhan, and I'll come get you!"

Gagger nodded. He had no clue what Zone was up to, but he trusted it. And also, Gagger was glad to not walk back up the hill to whatever it was that Zone was thinking. He walked slowly back to the bar. Gagger did. Lighting a cigarette as he walked. He was forcing himself not to go back to Park House. Not because of what Zone had said, but because he wanted to give Bonny a good railing. Gagger was pretty good at following orders. He went back into the bar.