[211] Screed City
[211]
11/24/2022 Thursday. Garbage Room. Beaver Haus. Lower Granville, Vermont.
A Very Screed City Thanksgiving:
I mean, I suppose this should be a short story, or a even a screen play, because nothing of any real note happened, it is all just a collection of events that unfolded over the course of three days this week. Starting with G's birthday and ending with Thanksgiving. But I will do my best to cover the events in some amount of detail.
I mean, to lay the ground work ATBMS, picture the scene, a three bedroom house in the Hudson Valley of New York, G's mom is working tirelessly to get ready for Thanksgiving, where 21 people will be in attendance. It's Tuesday, G's birthday, they just turned 15. They and I have just driven up from the City where me and G and Professor Curly celebrated G's birthday with a dinner and desert. I mean, the next day me and G drove up to their home in Hudson Valley. That afternoon I peeled potatoes and generally did my best to be helpful. G's mom was getting stuffing ready, amongst other things. G hung out in the kitchen with us. Getting bored, like a 15 is wont to do. There was talk of certain errands that needed to be performed. Many of which me and G could not achieve. There were too many unknowns involved. Like getting wine. Someone needed to decide on wines, and I can't stand wine and G is 15, so that meant we would suck at that thing. There was talk of picking up bagels, but the bagels and the wine were in the same place, it didn't make sense for us to pick the bagels up either. The one other thing that we could do was go and get G's acne medicine which came in the form of birth control pills. After some debate, we decided that would be a fun father/teenager adventure.
We got into Junior Mint, G and I, and drove into the town 15 miles down the road. After missing the turn for the Rite Aid, I got stuck in the roundabout. Look kids, Big Ben. Parliament. I mean, I had to just take an exit and recalibrate, because the thing was chaos. I got us turned around. Got to the Rite Aid. We went inside. Went straight to the pharmacy. There was a little line. Whether it was always this way or if it was because of the holiday, or maybe this was the only pharmacy around, the line was taking forever. I mean, we stood there. Looking. I noticed the blood pressure machine. Just off to the side. Where a woman was sitting down on a bench, wearing a mask, talking to someone on the phone about being "Positive" but not contagious. I mean, I knew what that meant, but after two years of this shit, I mean, I didn't care at all that she might have the plague. I mean, I wanted to test my blood pressure. There was time. Plus, when we were out in Colorado this Summer, at Guy and Roach Clips and Baby I's, I mean, I took my blood pressure a few times with Guy's thing. And my pressure is low, or within reason, not high, but my pulse was always high. I mean, like 1/2 times faster than it should be. I mean, I assumed it was the elevation, and I wanted to find out if that was true. I mean, the pharmacy was slow as shit, so I assumed I had time, plus G was totally capable of getting their birth control without my involvement if something came up. I mean, I sat down at the thing. Took my hoody off, my long sleeved shirt, put my arm in the hole. The plague victim still talking on the phone, coughing under her mask. I pushed the buttons. Waited for the pressure thing to do it's magic, then it did some calculations and I came out ahead, like normal, AND, my pulse was still high. I mean, I don't know what that means, I should look into it. I mean, I sent my results to Guy and he complimented my low pressure scores, I mean, I pointed out that my pulse rate was high, and he said he noticed, but he didn't want to be rude by pointing it out, and I said, maybe I have a hummingbird heart.
[Insert Blood Pressure Photo]
I mean, soon after that we finally got to the front of the line. G did some talking. Or more like, I did some talking and messed it up so bad that G had to step in. The lady asked for G's birthday, and I said, "10/22, um..." Then G said, "11/22.." I said, "Oh, right, 11/22, uh, two thousand and..." I mean that is when G pushed me aside and took over. The lady did some computer things. Gave us some bad news, that the things were not there and we would have to come back. At this point we thanked her and started to walk away. But at the same time G was texting with their mom. And then a phone call happened. And then we got back in line again. Waiting. When we got to the front of line again, there was a new lady, the first lady was now working the drive-through. Because this Rite Aid had a drive-through. And G looked at me and said: "I guess it is good we didn't go through the drive-through." Because I had suggested we go through the drive-through and G thought it was a bad idea. And it was, a bad idea, I mean. So the new lady was a little more helpful. She took G's information. Said: "11/22? Isn't that today? Happy birthday!" G said: "Thanks." I started to sing: "Happy birthday..." This other pharmacy lady in the back poked her head around and sang: "To you..." G turned beet red ATBMS. "I'm just joking. Happy birthday though!" G said thanks. Then I made a joke about how it would be funny if they brought G the birth control with a candle stuck in the box burning. G did not care for it, but they did think it was kind of funny. I mean, at some point G had to hand their phone to the second lady. G's mom was still on the phone. I mean, it turns out the pills were there, there was just some mis-understanding. And she walked away. G said: "I knew it! I could see them over there!" To me. Not the second lady. The second lady was doing recon. She came back. Handed G the phone. Told us to come back in 30 minutes.
I mean, we ditched. Kind of. First we stopped at the make-up section because G wanted to check out some lip liner and lip stick. They didn't see what they wanted so we left. Out in the parking lot G said: "What now?" I said: "There's a carwash down the way, let's go find it." I mean, it wasn't that plain and direct, but it kind of was. I mean, it was probably more like: "Thirty minutes is a long time, what the hell do we do now?" G likes to casually curse. I mean, I don't know where they got it from, but before when they were a couple years younger it always seemed out of place, but now that they are 15, I mean, it's a little more sincere. I probably said: "There’s that washing thing down the road, lets find it." I mean, we got on the road again. This time the roundabout didn't European Vacation me. I mean, grammer-wise, if you verb a noun does that mean you don't capitalize? Like: european-vacation me? I mean, asking for a friend as the bridesmaids say. I mean, I was wearing my "Bridesmaid" shirt. Just sayin'. I mean, we drove for a while, then I took some wild turns and eventually we came to the place I thought we were going. I pulled into one of the bays and dug some quarters out of the side pocket of the driver's side door. G said: "I don't need to get out, do I?" I mean, I liked this statement, because, No, nobody needs to get out when you are washing your car, but just the annoyed attitude was entertaining. I mean, yeah, G, can you do the tire detailing while I do a body soak? Grab that brush over there and get to work. I mean, what kind of animal would you be to have your kid wash your tires while you sprayed water everywhere in the middle of Winter after sun-down? A monster, that is what kind of animal.
I mean, Junior Mint was salt-dirty. There was snow all the way back from Portland. And, I mean, there is nothing I can do about it, but the idea that my car is just getting eaten away by salt all Winter is something that keeps me up at night. I mean, there is no winning, but I still feel like I need to fight, fight like the wind! I mean, it is a losing battle and a losing war, but I have to do something. I mean, I put $4 dollars into the thing and washed and sprayed and washed and rinsed and sprayed. I mean, I doubt it did any good, but I did it, and it made me feel better because of it, and that is all I ask. Perceived value, you know? I mean, I am sure I will do it again many time this Winter and the result will always be the same, but so what? I mean, once again I want to open a car wash in Roach Town. The People's Car Wash. Because not everyone has a power washer, or a hose they can use when the temps drop below zero. And, I mean, the rust, the RUST! I mean, I got back in Junior Mint. We started to drive back. G said: "What now? We still have fifteen minutes." I said: "Well, I need gas, that is something to do." G said: "Well, where do we get gas?" I said: "I think we passed like five gas stations on the way." And I was not wrong. We stopped to get gas on the way back. And then we got back on the road. Then, I mean, we got back to the Rite Aid, and I mean, we still had plenty of time to kill, so we looked around in the make-up section for a while. I said: "It's your birthday, get whatever you want." I mean, I was being ironical, in a sense, I mean, me and G had joked about this. This idea of their birthday. Turning 15, spending it at the Rite Aid getting birth control pills for their acne, with their dad, I mean, how lame it was, on the other hand, they did want some new lip stick and lip liner, because G has entered a new "Red" phase. Just hi-lights, but like, red earrings and such. I mean, I think they actually appreciated the gesture. I mean, they found what they wanted and we went back to the pharmacy. I mean, when we got there this time, the line was down the aisle in front of the counter. I mean, we had to go back and around to get in line. Which was whatever. I mean, the problem with the pharmacy counter is not the work being done behind the pharmacy counter, it is the fucking insurance bullshit involved with buying things from the pharmacy counter. That was our problem. That was the problem with the four people in front of us, AND it was the problem with the four people behind us. The work itself was just putting pills in bottles, which, like Mickey D's, is just a logistical issue. I mean, the Big Mac takes half a minute to make, it is the buying it that takes the time. I mean, all the middle-men involved, and their cut.
I mean, the aisle that we were standing in was not a good aisle for a dad and his 15 year old teenager to be standing in. On one side was everything a woman could need for reasons that make half the population ashamed of themselves for having a body in the Patriarchy, and on the other side, the "Family Planning" side. I mean, did you know that they sell vibrators in Rite Aid now? That there are 100 different condoms on the market? That no matter where you look, I mean, COCKRINGS, they sell cock rings in Rite Aid, generic, over the counter, cock rings. I mean, I am not a prude in any way, and I think this is great, sex is nothing to be ashamed of, but I don't know if sex and tampons are in the same arena. I mean, Codex got in trouble the other day because they put some thing out on social media that said: "Sure you're in her DM's, but we are inside her." I mean, equating women’s health with sex is no way to be. That's how we got here in the first place. It is irresponsible at best, Patriarchy at it's grossest at the worst. I mean, I take that back, because that undermines the disgusting nature of the Patriarchy and trivializes the terror involved, but maybe you get my point. I mean, on one hand, let me say, Grindr went public the other day, to great stock returns. I mean, that is a victory in such a profound mind-fuck way, I mean, if you ask me. I mean, what a gay-men dating sight has to do with women’s rights and women’s health, and corporate greed and American Capitalism, I mean, listen, if a site like Grindr can go public to great fan-fare, I mean, things are a little bit better than they appear in the disgusting normalizing of the right-wing attack on anything un-Cis, I mean, there was this headline yesterday from the Daily Mail that was like: "Is Hunter Biden Experiencing Cold Turkey?" Because he took his family to the turkey pardon thing at the White House. And what, you ask does that have to do with women’s health and Grindr and corporate greed and Family Planning? I mean, tie that into the War on Drugs, and slut-shaming, and the idea that putting a tampon in your body is somehow sexual, I mean, if you don't think there is a full-on assault happening everyday all day coming from these religious mother fuckers that pretend to be merely American Capitalists, but are really Religious Fundamentalists, I mean, for Grindr to got public, and for it not to only be a success, but be a resounding success for Wall Street, I mean, I hate that it is happening this way, that it is money-driven, but shit, I will take a win where I can take one.
I mean, we finally got out of the aisle. I could see my high score on the blood pressure machine still. We eventually got to the front of the line. We got the pills and went around the side of the building so I could grab some corporate Ticklers. So we could buy the lip stick and lip liner.
I mean, I will leave it here for now. My fingers are too cold to type.