[214] Screed City

[214]

12/14/2022 Wednesday. Cardboard Box. Hampshire House. Portland, Maine.

Seven days. Seven days until this blue marble tilts towards the sun again. All I can say about it is; Thank fucking god. I mean, I don't know, whatever, but it's too much, every god damned year, and you know it's coming, but what can you do about it? I got to stop talking about it because it will not end well.

Positive news:

[Insert ring photo]

I bagged her, guys! A trophy curly redhead. Who knew all those years ago when I was typing "nude curly red gif" into the the search engine it would pay out in the long game? Engaged to a meme! Although, I think that ring is a wedding band and not an engagement thing, butwhatever, we are mavericks, tradition be damned! And the guy that sold us the ring kept saying; It's not the size of the ring that matters, as long as you love each other, that's what counts. Yeah, right. You're selling me a bill of goods, guy, your commission can suck a big fat fatty. I mean, can you write off engagement rings on your taxes? That's the whole point of marriage, right? To dodge taxes? Dodging taxes and citizenship stuff? I mean, I guess I need to start saving up for the wedding now. Fuck, what have I gotten myself into? I mean, at least that dowry check is in the mail...

Joking aside, I should probably remember the date when this happened, Saturday? What day was that? I should set a reminder on my notifications probably. Joking aside, take my fiancé for instance, please! How does that joke go? Say what you will about being engaged, but take my fiancé, please! I don't know, there needs to be another word there, but once you add it the joke doesn't make sense. Say what you will about being engaged, take my fiancé's position, doggy-style, boo-ya! I don't know, where is Rodney Dangerfield when you need him? Joking aside, save the date, 06/19/20??. I mean, my fiancé has so many prior engagements I had to call her agent to set a wedding date. Which was fine and all, but then she charged me a 10% fee for booking the thing. Which is only natural, business is business, but what really gets me is the rider she sent along with the contract, I mean, the last time I saw a list of demands that long was when...I got nothing, the only thing I can think of was that movie Airheads where they added the nude picture of Bea Arthur to their list of demands in order to make themselves seem crazy so they had a defense when they got arrested after taking over the radio station.

[Insert Airheads video]

Which, I mean, that movie, stupid movies, but this one too:

[Insert skid mark video]

Can’t find it. Sorry. He says: “My wife finds one skid mark on my dirty underwear and suddenly it’s like I started world war three.” It might be from a different movie.

And Adam Sandler, Punch Drunk Love and Uncut Gems, even the Chanukah song, I mean, I don't know what anything means anymore, most people are cunts, as Jack Warren would say, but art, and art is ideas, which is also something else Jack Warren says, there is something very interesting about Adam Sandler that I would have dismissed many years ago, but now it kind of fills me with hope about what it means to make art in America, and I have no idea why I am amplifying an already very famous and successful person with respect to anything that happens down here in the gutter, but I don't know, it's nice to think that not everyone is actually a cunt, that .01% of famous artists aren't pure garbage at all times, that we all don't have to live in obscurity until we die just to prove that point, I mean, I joke about Professor Curly being too busy to set a wedding date, but I don't have any real desire to set a date myself, not because I don't care, we should get married AOEC, at our earliest convenience, because ca-ching! Tax-break! I mean, I am glad that Adam Sandler is actually a good artist, that is all, that is exactly all, that Paul Chan and Sarah Michelson are receiving the Cormac MacArthur award, I mean, it stinks that only the most famous people amongst us get the things that they don't need to further elevate their famousity, but damn straight! If Professor Curly got that award I would be screaming from the roof-tops because she deserves it, not to mention, I mean, 50/50, she needs a house husband, a couple of Chippendale's dancers and that guy from Bachelor Party:

[Insert Nick the Dick video]

I don't know, I mean, I need to see a dentist, I have a receding gum thing happening that makes me feel like an ancient mummy, I mean, I spent so much time fighting time, that I could out-smart my poverty by staying vigilant, aware of my own demise, but you can't outrun time, and you can't ignore changes, and I did it! I got to the point in life where I have to pay attention to things, I mean, I had this dream last night where I was looking in the mirror, saying to myself, this is a dream, what you are seeing isn't real, then I was driving Junior Mint down a road, and I got stuck in some snow, like a huge pile of snow, like a snow drift, and I got out of the car and watched it drop into the abyss, and all I could think was; There goes my car and my laptop, what do I do now? And all I was worried about was getting back home and the fact that all of things I had written, the new book I have been writing, called, Don't wait up [Italics] was gone. That I would have to start over with the book, and all the nuance would be lost, and so what about it? All things are always lost. But then when I woke up, the thing was still there, and I don't know, it kind of freaked me out that I was so cognizant in the dream, and what the hell are dreams anyway? But then again, I am sleeping on shag carpet and wondering what my life has to do with anything anyway, and I work 10 hour days making good money for a company that is all over the place about people like me, and everything is confusing, and I just want to stay alive long enough to get these books out, because also, gutter art is way more important than money art, especially now, but then as much as you plan for the future, nothing really works out quite right, and then what? It is all boot-straps all over again.

I mean, take my fiancé, will you, please!