[22] Roach Town

[22]

It was now early evening in Roach Town. The light was starting to shift. Catching the tops of the surrounding mountains. A shadow moving slowly east. Soon to become replaced by dusk, then nightfall. The two detectives were feeling quite awful. They would have loved to do nothing more than go to a bar and just sit in silence getting profoundly drunk. Yet Siobhan, Siobhan and her giant honkers, her bad attitude and obvious lies. They couldn't take it. The wouldn't take it. They drove to Park House and parked in front of the cushioned rocking chairs on the park facing side of the porch. The grandmas were all sitting outside. Looking both cute and menacing. Gagger yelled out to them:

"Hey ladies! Fine evening we are having!"

Mrs Cookie yelled: "Oh, shove it! You stinky bastard." One of the other grandmas yelled: "Mrs Cookie! Be nice. Hi, Mister Gagger! You coming in for dinner?"

Gagger yelled: "Not tonight, is Bonny around?" Just then Bonnie came around the side of the porch. She was carrying a tray of iced drinks. One of the grandmas said: "About time!" Bonnie's face contorted into something angry. Then she saw Gagger and she lit up. She passed the iced drinks around. Not a single thank you could be heard. She set the tray on top of the banister and ran over to the van like a teenager meeting her crush. Gagger's arm was resting on the rolled down window. She put her hands on it. Zone looked over and down. Gagger's penis was becoming erect. It was starting to push up against his pants. Zone was not pleased. He assumed, and correctly, I might add, that Bonnie was about to unzip his pants and start yanking on the thing like a middle aged man trying to start his mower. Gagger even shifted in his seat a little to give her better access. Zone said:

"Don't you fucking dare!"

Gagger said: "What'd I do?!" Zone looked at Bonnie. She blushed. She took her hands off of Gagger's arm and played with her weird haircut.

She said: "What are you boys up to? Coming to dinner?"

Zone marbled: "You don't need the van, no?" Bonnie looked at Gagger. Her expression was confusion.

Gagger said: "Can we borrow the van some more?" Bonnie looked disappointed.

She said: "You'll be back later though, right?" She winked at Gagger. Gagger put his hand on top of his thing. Zone shook his head.

Gagger said: "My eight inch buddy says we will."

Zone yelled: "I am right fucking here you god damned perverts!" Bonnie blushed again. Gagger smiled.

He said: "Hey, which way to Warren?" Bonnie told them.

Zone asked: "How long, then?" Bonnie understood him this time.

She said: "I don't know, twenty minutes or so? Not long. You will hit a canyon and then go for a little while longer it will be on your right. Pay attention though, it's easy to miss."

Zone thanked her. Gagger, thinking he was being funny, blew her a kiss. A grandma yelled from the porch: "Get a room! You perverts!" This made all the other grandmas laugh. This was followed by a bunch of coughing. Another grandma yelled: "My drink is too cold!"

Bonnie said: "Okay, gotta go! See you later! Tell your eight inch buddy that I am looking forward to spending time with him."

Zone said: "Gross." Gagger watched Bonnie run back onto the porch. He turned to Zone. Zone interrupted him.

He said: "I don't want to hear it, man." Gagger smiled. His broken front tooth glistening in the last bit of direct sunlight. His teeth almost orange from it. Zone drove around the perimeter of the town square. Slowing down when they passed the bar/restaurant that employed Siobhan. They took a look-see. She was nowhere to be seen. Zone kept driving. Finished circling the town square. He took a right at the gas station. Drove past the grocery store and out of town. The speed limit changed. He sped up. They passed the berry farm and the turn off to Constable Bondo's house. After that it was all new territory. They came very quickly to another town. The speed limit changed again. The town was quite small. It had a gas station, some houses, a post office, a town square, a hotel. The highway split in two. One way went West, the other way went North. They went North. They drove for a while. Passed some corn fields. Came to another even smaller town, slowed down, sped up, slowed down again almost immediately when they came to another town. Soon after that they were driving in a canyon. They passed a picturesque waterfall. The highway turned very bendy. Zone got nervous and slowed down. Soon he was being followed by multiple cars that must have been used to the terrain because they were following them quite close. He thought about pulling over to let the other cars pass, but there was no shoulder to pull over onto. Zone sped up a little, but it didn't make a difference. The cars kept pushing him forward. He was becoming frustrated. He yelled: "Just go around!" Even though there was no way for them to go around without driving into a blind corner. He tried to speed up, but then the road got more curvy. When the canyon finally ended, the parade of cars flew past the van at an alarming speed. Zone thought for sure they would all crash into a moose or worse, another car coming down the road, but that didn't happen. They all passed safely. After they were gone he relaxed. The scenery was something else. He was enjoying himself now. The windows rolled down. The good smells of the trees and meadows. The semi-dark early evening sunlight. He found himself reflective. Reflecting on Constable Bondo and his very, very sad existence. He yelled, because the wind coming through the windows was loud, he yelled:

"I feel like you should hide that shit!" Gagger didn't know what Zone was talking about. But judging by the words he said and how he said it, he assumed that Zone had been thinking.

He yelled: "What is that?" Meaning, "Hide what shit?" Not: "What do you mean?" Or: "What are you talking about?"

Zone yelled: "I mean, if it was me, I would hide that shit. You know? Like going to hell and all? It seems like you don't want the devil to know how to torture you down there, right?"

Gagger yelled: "Who? Bondo?"

Zone yelled: "Yeah, Bondo! I mean, if it was me and I was that miserable, I would hide it, right? To be tortured like that in life and then to give the devil such ideas? I mean, save your torture for another life, I guess. I mean, if there is a god or whatever, I mean, if I was the devil, I would take a couple notes on that guy. I mean, I don't know, just a thought I guess!" Gagger didn't know how to respond. Why was Zone thinking about god and the devil and what the hell did that have to do with Constable Bondo being an alcoholic? Did Zone suddenly believe in god and these things? Or was it something more profound? Was Zone worried about himself? Like maybe he was worried about what someone else thought about him? As far as Gagger knew, Zone had never once in his miserable life cared what anyone else thought about him. Why now? And how did that relate to Constable Bondo? Was Zone worried that people thought he was a drunk?

Gagger yelled: "You lost me, dog!" Zone kept yelling like he didn't hear what Gagger had said.

He yelled: "I just wonder! I mean, you don't get up every morning and start drinking like that without at least thinking about the future! And what future does Bondo have? He looks like he is fifty for Christ's sake! The guy can't be more than thirty five if he went to school with these people, right?" Gagger was lost. He said as much.

He yelled: "Yeah, but what does that have to do with the devil taking notes?!"

Zone yelled: "Oh, nothing really! I just like the idea that the devil is down there trying to figure out how to torture people and that maybe you could trick the guy by pretending to hate everything you enjoy and therefore when you die, when you go to hell, because we are all going to hell, the devil will give you a heaven, in your own terms, if you can pretend to hate everything you love, you know what I mean?!" Gagger didn't.

He yelled: "You mean the devil is a moron?!"

Zone yelled: "Yeah, I guess! I mean, not that simple, but I guess!" Gagger had no idea what Zone was up to, but it didn't matter, they came to a turn-off, suddenly there was a sign for Warren. Zone missed the turn.

Gagger yelled: "Shit! That was it!" Zone slammed on the brakes. Luckily there was no-one behind them. Zone drove on a little further and there was another road they could take. He turned right. The road went very sharp downhill and came to a covered bridge.

Zone said: "Oh, how quaint." He stopped in front of the bridge, trying to look inside to see if anyone was coming. Nobody was coming. He drove through. Honking the horn when they got to the middle. He looked over at Gagger and gave him a great big grin. This made Gagger smile. Seeing Zone enjoying himself always made Gagger smile. They came out the other end. Turned left into town. The road was steep. Zone had to keep his foot on the brakes to prevent any speeding. Which, according to the speed limit signs, the speed limit was 25 miles per hour. The town opened up in front of them. A post office and field and a general store. As far as the Vermont towns these two detectives had seen, this was the richest one they had come into. Why that was apparent is hard to say. It wasn't the scenery. The scenery was as beautiful as Rochester, or the other towns they had driven through in the last twenty minutes. It was something ineffable. The town just smelled like money. Zone and Gagger suddenly felt nervous. Like they were about to be pulled over for looking shady. They felt sketchy as hell. Instinctively they touched their wallets. Making sure they had identification. Just in case. There were no cops around, but the town felt like there was one hiding in the shadows. They drove past the post office. They stalled out front of the general store. Thinking that maybe they could go inside and maybe buy some ciders or something. Although, if they really thought about it, that would be a terrible idea. Their instincts kept them in the van. Zone saw a sign on the front of the general store that read:

"Farmers Market Tomorrow."

The sign didn't say that exactly, but that is what it meant. Zone made a mental note of that information. As Zone was about to keep driving a youngster with a bunch of tattoos came out of the store. Carrying two cases of cheap domestic beer. Zone pulled over. He pretended to do a convoluted parking job while the youngster put the beer in the back seat of their rusted out Toyota Tercel. The youngster got into the car. Backed out. Drove about twenty feet and took a right. Zone followed them. They went up the hill for a while and then took a left. Up Airport Road. The road winded and jaunted and finally came to a big house that hogged the corner and had about ten other cars parked in the very large dirt driveway. There was music blaring. Zone pulled to the side of the road and the two detectives watched as the youngster parked and took the beer inside. Someone came out onto the balcony of the house and yelled: "Beer!" For some reason Zone did a calculation. Two cases of beer was not enough beer for ten cars worth of people. That would last like two seconds. It didn't matter though. Zone parked the van and he and Gagger got out. They followed the youngster into the party house. They were unashamed. The front door was on top of some rickety stairs that led to a screen door falling off of it's hinges. The second they got inside things got very exciting. There were clouds of pot smoke and cigarette smoke. Gagger was handing Zone a lit cigarette without even thinking about it. Zone took it and took a drag, hiding the thing in his giant vulture-like talon. He was bouncing and smiling. People were suddenly everywhere. In the kitchen, doing bong rips, there were people dancing, snorting drugs. The music was loud. A woman ran through the living room naked from the waist up. A man with blood colored paint dripping down his chest chasing her. She was squealing. He was screaming: "Your ass is grass, Moonbeam!" They ran up the stairs. Someone else screamed. Some other person yelled: "Beer!" The youngster put the beer down on a counter and ran up the stairs. Zone grabbed two beers. Handed one to Gagger. He walked over to the drugs. Someone handed him the tooter. He snorted a huge line. He handed the tooter to Gagger. Gagger did the same. They opened the beers and sucked them down. The party was a-whirl around them. They smoked and looked and drank and looked and smoked and felt the drugs kick in. Zone looked over at Gagger, he was dancing with some young lady that had a top hat on. He was rubbing her breasts, pushing his groin into her butt. Sharing the cigarette. Soon they walked upstairs. Zone was now alone. Watching. The party was a throng. Everyone was in a state. Zone finished his beer and went back to the stack of beers and took another one. Strangely nobody else was drinking them. It didn't matter. Zone was feeling alright. He did some dance moves and kept an eye on things. He was very high now and kept his eye out towards the drugs. Thinking he should do another one. He walked over and somebody handed him the tooter. He did another line. He danced some more. By himself. He was older than everyone there. By nearly two decades. Nobody cared, but he noticed. The next thing he knew he was getting his crotch rubbed by a youngster's butt cheeks. He didn't mind so much. He pushed in to them. He was too high to get it up now. But the feeling felt great. He kissed the youngsters neck. Pulling her hair to the side. And then he saw it. A cockroach tattoo. A cockroach wrapped in barbed wire. A cockroach wrapped in roses with barbed wire for stems.

He marbled: "Your tattoo! Where did you get that tattoo?!"

She yelled back: "What?!" Zone did his best not to marble. But with the lines of drugs now flowing through his veins he was more marbly then ever.

He marbled: "Tattoo!" She kind of understood.

She yelled: "Tattoo?! Roach Town Ticklers!"

He marbled again: "But why?!"

She yelled: "Why?!"

He marbled: "Yesh!"

She yelled: "It's a thing! Why aren't you hard?!"

He marbled: "What?!"

She yelled: "Hard! Why aren't you hard?!"

He marbled: "The drugs!" The youngster danced away. She wanted nothing to do with a flaccid Zone. Too old to get it up. He supposed. Zone looked around. Suddenly alone. The terror of age mocking him. He watched the youngster he was dancing with take some other young boob, half his age, upstairs. He yelled: "I would lick your pussy like a golden retriever!" It didn't matter though. She didn't hear him. He stood there feeling sorry for himself for a while. Nursing his beer. Watching the party happen. Eventually he got sick of it all and went outside to get some air. The people with the drugs had moved somewhere else. And the stack of beers had disappeared as well. He was standing on the porch, his half-beer getting warm, wondering if he should go find Gagger when a guy with a shovel-style mohawk showed up. He was holding a pipe and one of his eyes was to the side. The other one looked right at Zone. He pointed to the sunset and said:

"That fucker, man, every night, just down, and then, you know what? Up again tomorrow. Aint that the shit! Fucking blows my mind! Toke?" Zone took the pipe and sucked. He immediately regretted it. It was not weed. What it was was not certain. Things went sideways. Suddenly the guy with the shovel-style mohawk was laughing at him. Saying:

"Dude! Your first time? Whoa, man, just be chill!" The air around Zone became very cool. All the smells looked like waves and the top of his head felt like it may explode. He tried to speak, but his words sounded like wood slapping wood. His teeth felt big and he kept pursing his mouth trying to say: "What are in this?" But nothing came out. Just the slapping of wood on wood. He stumbled over to the edge of the porch and puked. The mohawk guy said: "Whoa! Not on the flowers, dog!" But there was no stopping what had begun. Zone went from being very present to being very unaware in seconds. He stumbled down onto the grass. And while puking, he looked up, what he thought was the sun was merely some headlights coming up the road. He reached out to them. Thinking they would somehow save him. They didn't. He hit the ground with a thud. A blade of grass landing in-between his lips and his tongue. He thought: "That tastes nice." And then it was lights-out.

Zone woke up in the passenger seat of the Park House van. Gagger driving slowly with the lights on. Taking the curves through the canyon with caution. He noticed Zone was awake now.

He said: "Jesus, man! You're awake?" Zone looked around. Confused as could be.

He marbled: "What the fuck?" His head hurt and he needed water.

Gagger said: "Holy shit, that was touch and go there for a bit! You okay? You think we should get to a hospital, yeah?" Zone didn't know.

He said: "I need water." Gagger felt around and found something in the side-compartment of the driver's-side door. He tried to see what it was, but it was too dark. He handed it to Zone. Zone took a drink.

He said: "What the hell is this?" Gagger didn't know.

Gagger said: "I don't know." Zone took another drink. Whatever it was did him good. He started to regain his composure. Zone said: "What the hell happened? "

Gagger said: "You sure you're alright, man? You fucking biffed it good, dude."

Zone said: "All I remember is that mohawk guy giving me his pipe, what happened upstairs?" Gagger smiled. Even though it was too dark for Zone to see it, but Gagger smiled a very large smile.

He said: "Yeah." Zone knew what that meant. It meant that Gagger had some pretty good times upstairs. And those times were interrupted by Zone passing out on the lawn. But either way, what happened had happened. They were heading back to Rochester. Zone drank more of the mystery drink. Thankful he had it. It was wet and sweet. Almost hot. The windows were rolled up in the van, and Zone was starting to get high again.