[23] Roach Town

[23]

"I met Shovel." They were out of the canyon now. Gagger was relaxed. He was keeping an eye out for cops. He was certain one was trailing them as they left Warren. A small town like that, with such a large party, there was no way the cops didn't know what was going on. And anyone who left the premises certainly was under some kind of suspicion. Then again, the only cops that Zone and Gagger had seen since getting to town was the State Police, and that was on the first night they had been there. It was entirely possible that this part of the world was entirely lawless. Or maybe there didn't need to be a police force to maintain order in society? Lord knows it wouldn't have prevented the murder these two were investigating while taking the cure. Either way, Gagger kept an eye out for police. He was half-cocked, half-high and half-lost. Driving down roads he didn't have any clue about. Zone, for his part, he was doing better. Still confused about the roofie that took him down. Normally he had the constitution of a racing horse. He could do a bag of blow by himself, then drink a bottle of whiskey all with a stomach full of a couple of hot dogs and maybe, just maybe, he would piss his pants. Nothing like this had ever happened to him. He was more intrigued then he was scared. Whatever the drug was, it was some powerful stuff. He couldn't remember even what the sensation was. Or how it affected his body. He just knew one second he was sucking on a pipe and the next second he was in the van with Gagger. He was still thinking about it when Gagger told him he had met Shovel. That statement, on it's own, kind of filled Detective Zone with a sense of dread. Like Gagger had met death or something, And the way he said it, like it was something Zone should already know about, that's what gave Zone the most dread, because who the hell was Shovel?

Zone said: "Who the hell is Shovel?" Gagger was looking around. Trying to keep his eyes peeled for cops, also he was trying to understand where he was.

He said: "Are we even going the right way?"

Zone said: "Did you pass through a town yet?"

Gagger said: "No, just the canyon thing. I think I followed our route back the same way in, I mean, I crossed that covered bridge and all, but maybe there was more than one?" Zone tried to see if he could tell where they were. He couldn't.

Zone said: "Did you turn left on the highway? Oh, there! 100 South. I think we are good. Right? Just stay straight, I think."

Gagger said: "Yeah, okay."

Zone said: "Okay." They drove for a while. Then Zone remembered he had asked Gagger a question he hadn't answered. He said: "You never told me who Shovel was."

Gagger said: "Yeah, you know who he is, remember? He was the guy that Misty was dating or whatever, the one that Tina thought was so dreamy."

Zone said: "Shovel? Really? I am really drawing a blank, man. I think whatever I smoked gave me drain bamage, brain dramage, braindage, how the fuck do you say it! Draimed Bramdage, fuck!" Gagger looked over at him with a look of fear in his eyes. Calculating how to get Zone to the hospital. Zone contorted his face like it had gone limp on one side. It was too subtle and dark for Gagger to see it. So instead of doing his sight gag he relieved Gagger of his worries. He said: "Ah, just joking! Of course I remember Shovel. I mean, not really, but you reminded me." This annoyed Gagger. He really thought Zone was having a stroke, and for good reason.

He said: "Don't be such a loser, dude. You realize I just dragged your drunk-ass off of some random lawn in some bullshit town because some dude roofied you, I mean, you don't even know the half of it, and now you have the gall to fuck with me while I'm driving? I'm gonna fucking strangle you!" Zone laughed.

He said: "What'd I do?" Mocking Gagger's catch phrase. Gagger couldn't stay mad. But for kicks he tried to punch Zone in the face. Zone ducked, the van careened off the shoulder of the highway. Gagger managed to get back on before they hit a tree. He looked suddenly everywhere at once. Just in case a cop was hanging around. There was no cop. They turned the bend and came to the third town they had driven through on the way to Warren. Gagger slowed way down and tried to keep his composure. They passed the general store and both of them knew they were on the right track getting back to Roach Town. As they left the town and Gagger sped up Zone asked:

"So? What about him?" Gagger thought for a second.

He said: "Oh, he is just some local loser that has a million tattoos and preys on little girls around the area. I almost punched him in his lunch box, the dude thought it was hilarious to pour beer on my butt cheeks while I was railing that girl. The orgy thought it was hilarious as well. The fuckers laughed at that." Zone was engulfed. How Gagger managed to get into these situations always confounded him.

He said: "Well, what the fuck did you do?"

Gagger said: "Nothing. I stood up, smacked his tiny little hard-on and told him he better mind his fucking business."

Zone said: "Really? And then what?"

Gagger said: "Oh nothing, the poor little baby bent over in pain, and I asked who the hell was this guy and someone said his name was Shovel and I was like, Misty's boyfriend? And the room went silent."

Zone said: "Holy shit, really?"

Gagger said: "After that some girl started screaming bloody murder downstairs so I put my clothes on and went downstairs and there you were, ass-up on the grass, that hippy dude just smiling, offering me the pipe, I grabbed it and threw it into the woods, he was like, dude! my pipe! He's lucky I didn't brain him. I mean, someone helped me put you in the van and that was that." Zone was nonplussed.

He said: "I mean, that is fucking wild! I mean, crazy! I mean, I guess that explains the girl that was trying to bone me on the dance floor, or whatever, the dancing area."

Gagger said: "What do you mean?"

Zone said: "I mean, some chic was pissed my dick wouldn't get hard."

Gagger said: "Your dick wouldn't get hard?"

Zone said: "Coke, man, you know that about me."

Gagger said: "Oh, I thought that was only ketamine, or booze, or weed, or Tylenol, or a cold wind, or low poll numbers for politicians, or taco Tuesday, or..." Zone stopped him.

He said: "Oh, grow up, man!"

Gagger said: "Or a slight breeze, or nine in the morning, or nine at night, or..."

Zone said: "Drop it, dude! Just because I don't fuck the gas hole when I fill up the car doesn't mean my dick don't work!"

Gagger said: "The gas hole would be a luxury for me."

Zone said: "Yeah, I know, I have heard it before, you would need to bring lube. Your dick aint that big, dude, I have seen it. Plus you are like seven feet tall, for a normal man you got a micro-dick." This somehow shut Gagger up. Partly because it was true. He would fuck a gas hole given the chance, and proportionally he was average, but still, he was a large guy with large things and nobody was faulting him for it. But Zone did manage to hurt his feelings. They didn't talk for the next little while as Gagger felt emotions and Zone, being the kind of person that empathized with people, he felt bad too. Eventually he said:

"Sorry, Gag, I didn't mean it." This apology took a while to set in, but it did eventually set in and Gagger regained his emotions. They were pulling into Roach Town. Gagger was still thinking about Shovel. Zone was too.

Gagger said: "I guess that guy is no lead at all. He is just a scumbag predator."

Zone said: "Shovel? Yeah. Was he even part of the orgy? Or was he just there, ya know? having a look around?" Gagger thought about it.

He said: "Yeah, I don't know. He made everyone laugh, that's something, but I don't remember anyone like, um, being that into the dude. Then again the social aspects of an orgy are kind of complicated. He seemed more of a facilitator than he did a participant, if you catch my drift. I mean, now that you say it, I don't remember him even getting his dick sucked. He was just going around kind of giving people key bumps and encouraging things. I mean, the guy is slimy as hell. That is all I took from it. I mean, if anything he wasn't Misty's boyfriend, he was probably just giving her drugs."

They drove into town keeping an eye out for cops. They found no cops. They parked the van in front of the Park House. They got out. Walked up to the front door. There was a note taped to the door. It said:

Dtc Zone and Dtc Gagger, Zone, there is a bed made up for you on the porch. Sleep there. Gagger, you and your eight inch buddy can find me in my room. Don't wake the grandmas because you know the consequences. All my love, Bonny

Zone whispered: "So it is written." Gagger had to muffle his laughter. Zone didn't mind. The air outside was nice and he was exhausted. He snuck inside with Gagger to get a glass of water. He wanted to brush his teeth, but that was not in the cards. He snuck back out of the Park House. Found the bedding that Bonny had put out for him. Walked to some bushes and took a piss. Meanwhile, Gagger crept up the stairs to Bonny's room. The night was coming to a close. The crickets were out, and a nice breeze was blowing. The town was as sleepy as Zone was. The bedding was nice. Zone kicked his boots off and laid down. He played with his thing for a while, thinking of the Reporter Constance. But then he realized he had no way to wipe up his things when he was done, so instead he decided to get some sleep. He could hear some owls hooting, the soft rumblings of Gagger boning Bonny with the window open, like a cat in heat, but in the distance, on the other side of the building. How Gagger did it, Zone had no idea. He must have a hollow leg filled with jizz. He worried about him sometimes. It wasn't healthy to have so much sex, or so it seemed, maybe it was just fine? The idea of Zone having that much sex just exhausted him. He rather enjoyed spending time with his own mind thinking about things. The idea that sex would be the constant thought would certainly drive him mad. Or not? I mean, if that was what was important to you? He guessed. Either way, he thought about poor Misty and her body in the greenhouse, about her mom and the Constable and Shovel and the party and Warren. He remembered that sign on the general store that said that a farmers market was happening tomorrow. He wondered if Union Dan and Gary Alone would go to it. If maybe he and Gagger could go check it out. He also wondered what Captain Nylon was thinking. If he would send a cop up soon to bring them back to the City. Because the cure had been taken. He also thought about Siobhan and her lies and her big ol' tits. Her roach tattoo and the Roach Town Ticklers. The whole thing seemed so very complicated. And they were nowhere closer to understanding what had happened now as they were two days ago when they got to town. He even thought about the State Police. What Captain Sergeant was up to. Why he hadn't come back around. Shouldn't he at least come to town and ask a few questions? That seemed weird. But he seemed like a corrupt cop, so maybe it wasn't that weird. Either way, Zone was sawing logs before he knew it. And, even though the grandmas were not subjected to it, the town of Rochester very much was. As the snores grew louder, the towns dogs began to bark. And howl. And soon, the wolves and the coyotes joined in. By the time the moon was glaring down from the apex of it's delivery, a cacophony of howling was the miserable state of noise in this very quiet and lawless town. Even birds kept their mouths shut just to make enough space for these animals to communicate. By dawn there were five wolves sleeping on the grass outside of Park House. Unbeknownst to Zone. Who was deep in sleep. Dreaming about the Constable and his drinking problem, somehow convoluted with the Reporter Constance being sex on wheels, plus an added flash of Misty's body in the greenhouse. At one point the corpse got up and started to walk away. Zone yelled: "Come back! I got some questions!" The corpse turned to him and said: "No, you don't." He then looked down and the Reporter was sucking his dick. She looked up and said: "I have a question, what is black and white and read all over?" And then the Constable came swinging down on some vine and yelled in Zone's face: "A book!" Zone startled awake. The wolves ran away. For some reason Zone decided this wasn't true. He went back to sleep thinking: "Not a book, a newspaper." His snoring brought the wolves back. So much so that one of them even snuggled up to Zone. He snuggled back. Rubbing his erection on the stiff backbone of the thing. Soon the sun started coming up.

----------------

Earlier though, and in a different part of the state, Captain Sergeant was talking to Officer Lindsay who had had anal sex with Detective Gagger outside the greenhouse when everyone was investigating the dead body of Misty Sergeant, when both Gary Alone and Union Dan were drunk, and Constable Bondo was drunk as well, and everyone was pissed off about the detectives coming up from the City and nobody was being honest, that Officer Lindsay, the cousin of Captain Sergeant, because Officer Lindsay was Captain Sergeants cousin, because her name was Lindsay Sergeant and they were both cousins of Misty Sergeant, the poor girl that had been killed and had her body dumped in the greenhouse of Gary Alone, who, was probably the lover of Union Dan, who also did a farmers market together, but with separate booths because Gary Alone did pottery and Union Dan did garden stuff. And Constable Bondo was a drunk. All these things were connected somehow. But at the moment when Detective Zone was luring in wolves to his sleeping quarters, while Detective Gagger was making the matron of Park House sound like a cat in heat, while the grandmas seemed to no be woken up by either Detective Zone's snoring or Detective Gagger's boning, the Captain and the Officer were talking.

Captain Sergeant said: "What do you think? We can't just let this get out. I am not asking you, I am telling you."

Officer Lindsay said: "Yes, sir, but the community has a right to know."

Captain Sergeant said: "Nope. They don't. I won't let you ruin everyone's reputation. The Sergeant name is too important."

Officer Lindsay said: "Sir, are you really putting me in this position? I will not cover-up your malfeasance. She is related to you, you were there when she graduated middle school! I remember it like yesterday!"

Captain Sergeant said: "You have two choices, you know that, either get on board or get a lawyer."

Officer Lindsay said: "You're kidding, right? You can't be drawing this line..."

Captain Sergeant said: "Two options."

Officer Lindsay said: "Fuck that, how about a third option, I quit! You got exactly one hour before I get down there and have a nice little talk with Constance."

Captain Sergeant said: "You insolent fool! You have no idea what you are doing!"

And then, in a fit of rage, Captain Sergeant smacks his cousin on the head so hard that he knocks her out. He panics. The next thing he knows he is putting handcuffs on her limp wrist and connecting her to the bars on the window that for some reason the Police House has. Whether they are there for protection or for the inability of inmates in the county jail to get out, is unknown. They had always been there. Either way, the Captain does this and runs out to his cruiser. He starts driving towards his simpatico friends in the police force. Thinking they need to regroup. Thinking that they can get to Rochester by morning nobody will know that Misty Sergeant had died from a drug overdose and the name Sergeant will not be raked through the mud by the press. Captain Sergeant knows he has gone insane, but he does not care. His anger at the liberal dipshits that seem to rule everything around him makes everything irrelevant. He is racing against time now. To control the narrative. That it was an outsider, a black guy, or a drifter, who has killed his cousin. And he will not be stopped. Not by facts, not by reality, and god-damn-it, not by some goon detectives from the City coming up here and getting all involved with local matters. No, there is nothing stopping this guy. He has the night to contend with, but by the morning, he will have someone in jail, whether it is the drunk Constable or the idiot detectives from New York, it doesn't matter. Anything is better than the truth. He drives to Bristol and wakes up his first guy. They get together and start driving to Middlebury. By dawn they are drinking coffee in the second guys kitchen. Worried about getting to Rutland and back before anyone wakes up in Rochester. The third guy won't answer his phone. So instead of waiting they get in their cruisers and drive with their lights on. By now it is late in the morning. Zone and Gagger are drinking coffee with the grandmas. Bonny is very cheery. She had a very interesting evening with Gagger that left her satisfied. In her good mood she suggested going to Warren for the farmers market. The grandmas and Zone and Gagger all think this is a great idea. They eat breakfast. Zone insists that he uses the bathroom. He goes upstairs and brushes his teeth and takes a huge dump. When he comes back down they all get into the Park House van. Bonny is driving. Gagger is in the passenger seat. Zone is in the back with the grandmas. The State Police are driving as fast as they can from Rutland. Officer Lindsay is waking up from being brained by Captain Sergeant. Still handcuffed to the bars on the window of the Police Station in Burlington.