[267] Screed City
[267]
10/19/2023 Thursday. Foot-stool on top of a table. Room 312. Holiday Inn. Henrietta, New York.
Well, the idea was to screed tonight after working at Roach Tech today thinking that something interesting would have happened. Sadly, nope. SSDD as J Gbaur would say. Drove 8 hours to do 10 hours of work. Was thinking of driving back tonight, but wouldn't get back to Vermont until after midnight, and the alternator in Junior Mint has bunked. Which was something I wasn't really worried about until Scott told me this horror story about his alternator going out and the complete mayhem it caused. Something about the idea of being stranded in Vermont at midnight without cell service seemed like a bad thing to do. I mean, we could have done a train or whatever it is the bridesmaids say, you know, where Scott follows behind me and makes sure I don't blow my load, but also the idea of driving 4 and 1/2 hours on the interstate after working a 10 hour day and then dealing with that...I don't know, I need the money, I don't need the work is basically the theme of the day.
But the alternator, that is kind of a funny story. I don't know, I guess I drove up to G's school for parent/teacher the other Friday a couple weeks ago, things were fine, I drove back, parked. On Wednesday of last week there was a great parking spot in front of the apartment and me and Professor Curly were leaving for work at the same time, so I asked her to hold the place while I went to get JM. When I tried to start it, nothing. Not a single noise. I mean, I had been to my car earlier in the week and the fob wasn't working so I just assumed I had a bunk battery in the thing. I used the key. As the Russians said, 'What do you mean? We used pencils.' With relation to how the Americans solved the 'Space Pen Problem.' You know? Without gravity, pens don't work. How did the Russians solve a problem with a pen? They didn't use pens. They understood the dictum: I don't need work, I need money. Commie bastards.
I didn't think much of it at the time. Then the car battery was dead. So. I mean, I walked back to where PC was waiting for me and told her what happened. Somebody else got the spot. I mean, I can't catch a break.
The next day I had to call AAA to come and give me a jump. We have AAA. It is good for some things. A scam for others. I mean, I could have flagged somebody down to help me out, New Yorkers are quite generous, but because it is a city, nobody has jumper cables. And because I am an idiot, I don't have jumper cables. I called AAA and they showed up in like 30 minutes. Which was nice of them. But because of capitalism, getting them to show up at my car proved to be a very difficult prospect. I don't know how, but they showed up in front of the apartment we live in. But not exactly, two buildings down. I mean, it took three different phone calls to get them to understand that I was in Queens and not Manhattan. Butwhatever. They showed up. It was good. I had the guy follow me up your butt and around the corner where the fudge is made, just joking, up the street and then up this hill to the next block. He parked in a 'No Standing' zone. I went to Junior Mint and popped the hood. Using my key to open the door, naturally. He came over and asked me what was up. I said, and I quote:
"I don't know, I drove down to the City the other day and parked. For some reason my battery is dead. I think somebody stole the water out of it." For the sake of narrative I should describe a few things. He was a very large Black man who was driving this very tiny AAA mini-van. He wasn't exactly humorless, but he seemed a little suspect what I was up to. At the same time I have this damn mustache and I was wearing my work clothes but also this jacket that I got in Wyoming for $.99 that looks like a suit jacket, but is not. Plus my car has Vermont plates and is a rusty bucket 2004 Nissan Altima, lime green colored. The back seat has the four tires I need to switch out soon before I blow load on the interstate. I mean, I thought we were going to have some fun times together figuring out what was wrong. But that is not what happened.
He said: "No, nobody stole your water. You probably have a charge issue. The battery is weak. Here, let me get my things."
I mean, c'mon! He deals with stupid battery shit all day and he can't have a tiny little chuckle about the idea that somebody stole the water from my battery? Am I the asshole here? Should I go on the computer and find out? I mean, I know the scam he is selling me, he knows the scam he is selling me, can't we just have a moment of humor before he does the bait and switch? Or do I, as the damsel in distress need to maintain my role in scheme and he, the valiant hero, need to maintain his role? Did I break the cardinal rule of getting roadside help? Where everything is dire and an emergency, therefore we only talk in professional tones? I mean, him being a large Black man has nothing to do with anything aside from being an authority during a moment of vulnerability on my part, but a sweet joke like that, I mean, he came back with his battery jumper thing and connected a vice-grip to the negative terminal and a vice-grip to the positive terminal and told me to start the car. I walked around him, got in, turned the ignition and thing started right up.
Which! Means my battery was just fucking fine. Pro-Tip: If your battery starts right up when you get a jump, your battery is fine. You don't need a new one. Ignore the AAA guy. He is selling you a scam. They make money by selling over-priced batteries to people that don't need them. Then they take the old batteries and ship them to China where they dis-assemble them for parts and sell the materials to the Russians to make space pens. FACTS. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. #RFKPOTOS24
I only get salty because this guy, well, he hated my awesome joke, but he was suddenly whipping out his phone and showing me nonsense about how my battery was weak and needed to be replaced. Then I said:
"I don't know, I have never had a problem with this battery. It is very odd for it to just stop working all the sudden, how long do batteries normally last?"
"One year to five years, it really depends." After he said that I was done. He had one more line where he tried to paint a picture where I was driving down the road, late at night, my battery suddenly, I don't know, pops the hood and jumps out of the engine and makes a break for it and what can I possibly do? I only get 4 free AAA's a year. I had a little bit of sympathy for the guy. Normally the AAA team is a good cop/idiot cop situation where one guy is really harried and the other one is no nonsense and fix you up just right, but this guy was working solo. And really, all I wanted was a jump. Nothing more.
I mean, as a sucker, which I am. I don't need work, I just need money. I fealt bad for him that the AAA scam didn't work out. My guess is they get a percentage of every battery sold. I mean. Had there been any other problem with Junior Mint he would have just called somebody to come tow the car. His job was done the second I said no to his sales pitch. And because I am not exactly an idiot, there was a nice parking spot across the street that I pulled into when we were done. I sat there revving the engine for 30 minutes. I mean, I would have driven the thing around, but I didn't want to lose that parking spot. And if you don't know what I am talking about, it is because you don't live in a big city. Having a car in the City is bullshit. Having two cars is idiotic. They are coming for us. Soon they will melt our cars down for space pens and nobody can eat hamburgers anymore.
But as I was sitting there revving my car for half an hour, hoping to recharge the battery, 15 minutes after the AAA guy helped me I saw him cruise by. Which I loved. Like, what the hell was he doing? I mean, I should mention that he left the place he had parked. He went somewhere and did something. Got a coffee? A little bit of breakfast? I mean, I don't need work, I need money. Being an AAA battery-man is the equivalent of working from home but outside. I won't lie, I might look into it. It probably pays better than a ride service, but you don't have to take people to the airport. Right? And probably most people are in panic-mode when you meet up with them. I mean, as I write this I realize I kind of loved that interaction with the AAA guy. That I have a million thoughts about stuff like this. That I actually find it interesting because it is such a modern weirdness. But it is not new. But it is very American. To a degree. Capitalism has infected the world completely, but I still, I VERY MUCH STILL, DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE WORK FOR AMAZON. Go to work for McDonald's, Bed, Bath & Beyond, anywhere, really. The money is the same. They are equally desperate for workers. Why piss in a bottle and spend every waking second of your job running from place to place? I REALLY DON'T GET IT. I DON'T AND MY LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING FOR THE WORKING CLASS AND THE POOR IS ABSOLUTE. ABOLISH TURNSTILES. I DON'T NEED WORK, I NEED MONEY. BUT WHY AMAZON?????????????? CAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN ME THAT????????????
OH! To make my point. You know what, I am not going to make my point. Somebody just won a Nobel prize proving my point. I am going to write a book about it. How not being available 100% of the time makes you poorer in this society/economy. That, using extrapolation, by making yourself available this way for companies like Amazon it will put you in the poor-house even though you can always say yes to work. That the balance of work/life used to allow for one person in your family to bring in money, now makes the worker less valuable and therefore is pointless. Because, guess what? Nobody needs more work. More work just means less money. There is no way to get ahead when all you are doing is working. A 10 hour day means nothing when you are basically a dishwasher. If at the same time your partner has to be at home with the kids and can't work themselves, and because you can't do other things, like, I don't know, be with your kids, or get an education so you can, I don't know, get a better job, what is the point? Hey babe, I have to work over-time for minimum wage, can you not work your minimum wage job at the same time and get the kids from school and feed them? I don't need work, I need money.
I mean, I feel like I am victim-blaming here, but that is not what I am doing. What used to be true is not true anymore. It hasn't been true for 25 years. They disconnected the minimum wage from inflation back when I was a teenager and ever since anyone trying to get ahead by hard work alone is gone. Combine that with useless college degrees that mean you can't pay your student loans back with the work that you do, COMBINED with the fact that inflation is a thing, a very specific thing, that exists, COMBINED with the idea that the reason prices can remain low even though the economy is expanding, meaning low wages mean low prices mean stagnant wages meaning stagnant prices meaning instead of growth, things have to shrink to accommodate the lack of growth. I mean, what he learned during the pandemic is that the wealthy will see the poor being able to survive as a way for themselves to make more money. The reason inflation hasn't exploded in America is very simple: WE ARE POOR AS FUCKING SHIT.
Anyone that isn't rich is actually desperately poor. Whether it is because you don't have money, or because you are in debt so severe that you can't for a second think about taking a day off. And that is fine and all, just as long as there is a way to make up the difference. Which is impossible if you have to work a 12 hour day just to pay for child care. Or rent. Or all the things that you need to survive. Like, I don't know, the tax known as your MetroCard. ABOLISH TURNSTILES.
I mean, I'll get off my soap-box now, but I did not feel bad about the AAA guy trying to sell me a battery. It was his job and he was bad at it. Maybe. He might have been great at it, I don't know. I'm not going to buy a $200 battery I don't need. I won't. I drive a clunker. I don't have battery money floating around. I have worked as a tele-marketer. Shit, I used to work for TicketMaster back in the 90's in Denver. I know a shitty scam when I see one. You know though, back then, I did ride on the back of a motorcycle to an Ozzy Osborne concert where the very hairy Hare Krishna guy rode shirt-less and I had to hold onto his sweaty hairy body as we zipped down the interstate to Fiddler's Green where we had horrible general admission seats way in the back. On the grass. And then Ozzy got the girls in the crowd to show us their tits by chanting, "Show us your tits!" And there was a screen behind him where we could see the tits. And then the hairy Hare Krishna and I rode back to town during a rainstorm on his motorcycle, and after that I never talked to him again. I mean, I liked him enough. But the guy was too weird. And I hated that job. The only good part of it was the hot dog cart at the bottom of the escalator that sold Sabretts. The woman would call out, 'Sabrett! Sabrett!' And for $1.50 you could change your life. 8 hours of starving while making minimum wage and selling expensive tickets to suckers on the phone, or having a sweet, sweet hot dog in your guts while selling expensive tickets to suckers on the phone. I mean, it all depended on whether or not it was possible.
I mean. I feel like this screed is getting out of control and I did have a very specific idea about it. The joke. The, 'Somebody must have stolen the water from my battery,' joke. Which! Mind you, the AAA guy ignored and also thought was stupid. The night, when Professor Curly got home I told her what happened. I even included the joke. And guess what she said to me? Let me pause for a second as you think....
She said: "Nobody stole your water."
I know nobody stole my water! Who steals somebodies battery water? Nobody! Not only that, but it is impossible! You would have to open the car, pop the hood, and then, only then, could you steal the water! Why not just still the entire car? Or the, I don't know, copper tubing? I got those used tires in the back seat, steal those! What fucking world am I living in where everyone is has lost the thread? I mean, Jayboo went to buy a candy-bar from the front desk of the hotel yesterday. He tried to pay cash. The guy behind the counter said:
"We don't take cash."
Jayboo said: "What do you mean you don't take cash? I was just over there at the bar paying cash for my soda-pops."
The guy said: "Sir, I am not going to argue with you."
Jayboo had a point. The guy behind the desk had a point as well. Can't we all agree to disagree?
I don't need work, I need money.
[Insert Where Have All The Good Times Gone]