[280] Screed City
[280]
03/11/2024 Monday. Papers Boxes. Crisis INC HQ. Ridgewood, New York.
[inert heart ice]
Funny thing about time is; you think you have all the time in the world and then WHAMMO!!! I am being dramatic, but still, you make all these plans, weeks, months ago and then they show up all of the sudden and you aint done shit to prepare. I am like a muscle bro with my writing. Today was not supposed to be a SCREED day. Not this week at least. Today was supposed to be a leg day [fiction 1]. Tomorrow lats [fiction 2]. Weds biceps [cover work with Jack], and then Thurs was supposed be SCREED. Friday we party. Saturday, dealers choice. Sunday is for sluts. Instead, here I sit, broken hearted...you know the rest.
But it is all so complicated. Heading up to Vermont Thursday morning. Like early. Like dawn. We need to get to the Chalet by 1p so we can get our shit together and haul ass to Montpelier so we can make this film festival party by 5p. Professor Curly's film is featured heavy as they say in Hollywood. The premiere is the next day. And for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do a reading at 3p. Which, it's not the worst idea, it's just that because of complicated things, 1: I won't be able to write something for the reading the night before like I normally do, and B: because of other complicated things, it might just be me reading something and maybe PC doing some sort of intro and this other writer on Whiskey Tit reading a poem or something. My point is that it could be very odd! When I conceived of the idea many weeks ago I was afraid there would be too many readers and too much entertainment for the hour that we have, now I am worried that I might have to bust into some improv raps that I have been working on:
walking down the street
feeling pretty neat
saw a dog in heat
wouldnt take a seat
owner was like sit
instead the dog went shit
owner said no git
thats when his hand got bit
But time. Where does it go? G came to town yesterday. Or they had been in town since Saturday, but came over yesterday and stayed the night. I took them to the train station at 2p today. It was a very quick visit. Fun though. They seem to be doing great. We went out for pizza last night with Professor Curly. Some place in the neighborhood. Quite the scene. Very hip. Went home and watched a movie. It was nice. I don't remember the last time I watched a movie was. This one was about this guy that is a drunk all the time, who has to take care of this teenage jerk over Christmas vacation and everyone in society is racist in the 60's and then they go to Boston and the guy smells like fish at night. The acting was actually amazing. The screen writing? Double barrel birds from me. This is my rating scale: Zero flip off, half a flip off, full bird, double bird, and double barrel birds. My wife brings home these saltless chips? Fuck you! No more bullshit!
In the film's defense, it took place in 1970-71, which is not the 60's.
There is a reason I don't watch movies. They suck. I watch one and I am not like all the other jerks out there, the stupid thing just plays over and over and over again in my mind and usually the things do not hold up to any scrutiny. Instead of enjoying the things I have to break them down and figure out why they bug me so much and then suddenly I am the jerk for missing the point. I got the point, and the point sucked! And then they rubbed my nose in how bad the point sucked for another 90 minutes. But box office success, they bellowed! NY Times best seller, they bellowed! You know what I say to that? It stinks! You ever read about that book that some radio guy made up that ended up on the best seller list because a bunch of people asked their local book stores for the thing? A thing that didn't exist. Or that the CIA bought paintings from people like King Odd Body and The East Hampton Dripper so they wouldn't become commies? I'm not saying the movie was bad, the movie was quite entertaining, I rather enjoyed it, but the screen writer can suck a big fat fatty if you ask me.
[insert CIA buys paintings]
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/modern-art-was-cia-weapon-1578808.html
[Insert fake book NY Times best seller]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I,_Libertine
Speaking of a bunch of tube-steaks rolling over to preserve the status quo, I bought another hot dog roller. It can do taquitos, corn dogs, hot dogs, sausages, cylindrical pizza rolls, any thing that can stay in place while rotating it can heat up. A can of beer or soda or cider, a roll of quarters or dimes or nickels or pennies, a cigar, a stick of rebarb, corn on the cob, ear plugs, the ones that don't flare at one end, a rolling pin ironically, a stick, licorice, both black and red, a vibrator, marbles, pretty much anything tubular really. I guess, me and G and Professor Curly dropped it off the other day at Tom's studio but we didn't test it. Instead we went around the corner and ate some pie at this place called Four & Twenty Blackbirds, which, I can critique a pie without feeling that at least one aspect of the creation of the pie has to be a prick. You know? And if you think I am the one being a dick, just remember that even Robert Frost couldn't do that. All I am saying is that they got damn good pies at this place. They even have a cookbook worth reading. We got pecan pie. I got an iced coffee with milk, PC got a cappe/frappe, G got an iced Macha. We ate the pie slice sitting down with three forks and no whip. It was raining outside.
[insert Four & Twenty Blackbirds thing]
https://birdsblack.com/
Don't get me wrong, I love some movies. I love Professor Curly's movie. It is taught and stressful and the suspense is overwhelming and every single action and move and emotion is exactly on purpose and visually it is striking and the performers are wrung out dried rags by the end, it has a point and it makes that point, there is nothing I would add or take away not that anyone asked, the writing is phenomenal, the acting in phenomenal, the directing is phenomenal, the editing is phenomenal, the producing is phenomenal, the design is phenomenal, the costuming is phenomenal, and yes, I am biased, yes, but I am also a critical dick. If you haven't seen it, see it now:
[insert Reality information]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_(2023_film)
[insert Green Mountain Film Festival info]
https://www.gmffestival.org/
Well, the reason I was writing this thing tonight was so that I would have something to read on Friday, but talking shit about movies and Vermont doesn't really do me any favors. What can you do? Maybe I'll just improv the thing. Do a live SCREED. My stand up routine: And Another Thing! I stole that saltless chips joke from this other guy, fyi. I brought some saltless peanuts home the other day and Professor Curly put me in a head lock and said, "Tell me I'm macho!" I told her she was macho, I did, that didn't make a difference, "You bring home saltless peanuts again, dipshit, you're gonna be eating peanuts out of the chocolate bars in the toilet!" I have news for you, those aren't chocolate bars. I know for reasons. I don't want to talk about it.
Also, ps, book on tape launch for Donkey [italics] and Percolator [italics], March 23rd at Tom's studio. See how that works? Twist ending with regards to the text. Story writing at its finest!
[insert Donkey Launch poster]
Also, double ps, it's-its'-its. Its and its', yes, it's; it is? FUCK YOU. Drop the apostrophe altogether! No matter what! When was the last time anyone wrote, [It's what you think it's]? Or whatever? It's what it's? See! See what I am saying? You'd have to be a total asshole to think that would fly and here I am all the times writing it's on accident because of that fucking possessive apostrophe all because the almost never impossible conjunction of it's? I say either abandon the it's meaning as; it is, and make it mean; its' or its, or just rid of the fucker altogether.
IT'S WHAT IT'S
fuck you and your saltless chips and your saltless peanuts!