[316] Screed City

[316]

02/20/2025 Thursday. Kitchen microwave. Queens House. Ridgewood, Queens.

And then I said, I have been eating a lot of oatmeal, so I kind of have a barnyard vibe these days. And also, I have been doing a Josh Hartnett haircut too. We were talking about putting nude photos in gift bags for the VOM FOM. The Vermont Festival of Movies. Why you would call your film festival the VOM FOM? I don't know, but they do it weird up there. I suggested Whiskey Tit put nude photos in the bag. Sea Bass said he would take pictures of the authers. The Publisher responded, Have you seen my authors! And I was like, You know I can hear you right? Then me and Sea Bass snuck off to the barn and did a private session. Just in case. And now there is no more funding for the festival. You live, and you learn is what I mean.

Professor Curly is on a plane coming back from Down Under. Australia. Her play went good and she is an international theater star, and guess what she took away from it all? Guess. Go on. I'll give you a sec. Did you guess yet? Have you any real clue? I'll give you a hint:

[insert PC photo]

That son of a bitch got KO'd! Koala'd! I mean. She hugged a koala and now I don't know what I am getting back from Australia when she returns tomorrow at noon. I asked G to come down and dress up as a marsupial and ween her from her new addiction, but G still has high school to do and can't come down. I don't know what is going to happen. Professor Curly will probably be jet-lagged, surely, but will that mean she will cling to my leg and try and hug the ether? Will she transcend with hugs? I mean, I always suspected she would die in a fit of cuteness one day after seeing a kitten playing with a hummingbird feather on a bed of puppy hair, but never did it occur to me that she would hold a koala and then have to return to earth afterwards. I mean, her extremely well respected and well regarded, nationally renowned and venerated play sold out ten performances at the Perth International Theater Festival, a gig that they paid her and ten people to travel from the US to Australia to do, and what she took away from it was a cute hug from a refrigerator magnet?

The irony is, her cacti back here in NYC are thriving. Who is this woman? This maniac. Dying with hugs on one end, thriving with neglect on the other. And here I am, eating oatmeal all day long, like a horse, hoping to improve my racing speed?

The Josh Hartnett thing I found funny. If you can find your own jokes funny. Which you can! Funny jokes aren't like farts, man. That's the whole point. Make a funny joke and the world laughs, make a bad one and he who smelt it delt it. Its like logic. It's what it's. But apparently when Josh Hartnett was doing the Faculty and this other movie I don't know about, maybe that one about masturbation, Thirty First Days, or something, he kept showing up to these movie sets with this horrible haircut and it pissed the producers and the directors off. And he was like, I am a teenager! So they let him keep the haircut, even though he was not a teenager and they could have forced him to have a better haircut but they let him keep this horrible haircut and now, as long as long as there are movies, this dumb haircut will exist as a fuck you to things.

[insert Faculty haircut]

That's the thing. I was maybe 20 when that movie came out? I know I was not 21. I was living in New City, New York with Jeni N and working at the Palisade's Mall at the Loew's Theater. My job was to fix things at seven dollars an hour. If I didn't get a ride to work with Jeni it cost more money to take a cab then I would make working an eight hour shift. She was working at the O’Shenanigans across the mall. Our schedules kind of lined up, but some days I would spend eight hours working at Loews and then eight hours waiting for Jeni. Loews wouldn't let me work overtime. It was forty hours, max. $48 dollars a day. But I could eat all the hotdogs and popcorn I wanted. I could see as many movies too. And The Faculty was one of them that came out during that moment. That period. I must have seen that movie thirty times. Its not a bad movie. It may not be great, but really, Josh Hartnett, if you ask me, is the real star. He really socks it to us. And it is his haircut that does it, is my point.

In conclusion, I knew I was not twenty one because I could not drink where Jeni was working. And she and I would go to Philly to see J G'Baur on my twenty first birthday that October. So there is that. And I know that one day I left that job and never went back. I mean, I think it is possible that they still owe me money. Like a week of work. Fuck. That stinks. Thank for dredging up old memories, you jerks! Jeni, you still read this shit? Can we sue? That's like $250! Adjusted for inflation, that is like a million bucks! At least a thousand. And meanwhile, Professor Curly is gleaming the cube with a sweet ass 'oala!

I mean, crikey!

[insert stranglers peaches]

DONT MAKE LINCOLN PUKE