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03/05/2025 Wednesday. Closette. Room 413. Hilton Garden. Lebanon, New Hampshire.
And it begins again. This one is going to be a doozy. We fly out of Boston tomorrow around 11a. Sixteen hour flight and then what, I don’t know. I guess we immediately get on a ship, but I don’t know what that means. Do we stay at some hotel or something by the airport or do we go straight to the ship? What kind of jet lag is that? Does it matter? These cruise ships are like a week of jet lag combined with some horrible and confusing hangover where time is meaningless. Where the hours don’t make sense, and everyone is living in some sort of fantasy land. But first we need to get to the airport tomorrow. The bus leaves at 5a. It is a few hours to Boston. Its nine twenty now. I am trying to hit some sort of reset button so I can get up and starting first thing tomorrow I will be in a different head space. But my mind is all over the place. Last night I had all these odd dreams about digging sand with old men and then I was late to get to some sort of vehicle, but I kept getting bad directions and then instead of being able to figure things out, I stopped at a Starbucks to get a coffee but the barista was confused by my order. Oh lord, what could it possibly all mean?
I guess I’ll take a shower tonight and brush my teeth real good. That way in the morning I just need to get up and do a cursory brushing, drink some water or coffee and meet Scott in the lobby by 4:40-ish. We have a million Pelican cases filled with drapes and tools. I bought a new backpack for the trip. I have my passport. My wallet. My phone. My “Cruise Clothes.” What else could I be missing for a three week trip to places unknown? I’m joking of course. I bought a very fancy and complicated electric adapter thing from Staples. $40. Supposedly it handles 130 countries. Not sure if there are130 countries in the world, but if there are, well, I am covered. Although the adapter doesn’t have the Norway one. Not that we are going to Norway, but I brought that one anyway. Just in case as the bridesmaids say. Better to have two bushes at one time that a bird on the wire.
I borrowed a copy of Moby Dick from the Publisher. That book that Jayboo gave me by the Skinny Legs and All guy. A James Bond book that takes place in Glens Falls of all places. I can only assume there will be quite a bit of reading in my future. Or not. Maybe the world travel will be so fascinating that I won’t have a moment to spare, that or I will finally finish editing these myriad books I have written in the last few years and finally make sense of everything and can move on from the past that I seem to be anchored to.
Vermont was sure funny. I did not get into the hot tub. We had a small gathering with Scott and Grit and the Publisher the first night we got there. Ate some pizza, talked about the protests in Sugarbush. Pegleg suggested we all start wearing clown noses in protest of this circus of a government we have. A little like the Tea Party back when the right got so triggered by a Black man running things that they shit their pants for a few years and almost got Sarah Palin elected. Remember those quaint days? When they wore tri-cornered hats with tea bags hanging from them? Mein hut hat drei ecken, drei ecken hat my hut. Quick fact: I named the town Bouillon goes to, Drei Ecken, because of the Tea Party. I mean, you’ll see. That quick fact will make sense in the future. Now I feel like Marty from Back to the Future, “You guys might not be ready for this, but your parents will love it.” Anyway, Hilarious coming soon to a website near you.
This morning during breakfast Professor Curly was eating some oatmeal and said something like, “Is there other oatmeal, the same stuff I ate yesterday or can I have some of this?” I had to make her instant oats because she was in a hurry and the steel cut oats take time. I said, “There is tons of both of them in the fridge. Remember that I won’t be eating any more breakfast, I am leaving tonight.” She almost cried. She said that was sad and she was going to miss me. Then, a few hours later I had to go to the Compound to deal with the drapes and tools and she didn’t want to come with me so I started singing that Cats in the Cradle song by What’s His Bucket. And then I kept singing it on my way down the steps to the car. Then when I got back I put the song on my phone and played it for her. Singing along, replacing the “Dad” in the song with “Tina.” I mean, was I annoying? Yes. Was it hilarious? Yes. And then when she got annoyed I said, “I’ve been listening to a lot of stand-up recently, my bad!”
Earlier in the week she came back from the bagel store and handed me change from the $20 bill I gave her. I said, “Whoa, there’s a first time for everything, am I right guys?” Looking at the living room. Pretending there was an audience of men. Men who understood that women don’t bring change back when you give them money. I mean, was I annoying? Yes. Was I hilarious? Yes. I don’t know, I have been watching a lot of stand-up.
I guess that is all I got. I should hit the hay. 4a comes pretty damn quick these days. Maybe I can sling a few Screeds from the road. No promises though. For all I know we are going straight to Chinese jail for being American tomorrow. Or they take the tariffs out of our hide and we have to walk back home. I mean, I always wanted to visit Everest. Did I ever tell you the Everest joke I wrote? When the guy takes off his oxygen mask to take a picture and has a whiff of the air while an airplane is flying by exhausting all the farts from the people riding in it? And the photographer says, “You think that’s bad, you should smell my wife’s mustache.” I said, my bad! I have been watching a lot of stand-up lately!
[insert cow/pig plant photo]
