[4] Postal Teen

[4]

*Content Warning: This writing has characters dealing with racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia, as well as child abuse and other imagery that may be upsetting to some readers.

Whitey woke up in the back of an ambulance. He was very confused. The siren was loud. A woman was sitting next to him. He had something plastic on his face that smelled weird. He was strapped down. The woman yelled:

"He's awake!" There was a voice coming from above his head. A man's voice:

"Okay!"

"Hey, kid, can you hear me?" Whitey nodded. "Are you experiencing any pain?" Whitey shook his head. The woman reached over and took the plastic thing off of his face. This made a bunch of new smells come into Whitey's nose. He didn't like the smells. The woman cocked her head to the side. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

"It stinks."

"Oh, yeah. I guess it does. How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three."

"What is your name?"

"White...Esmerelda." Whitey was squinting his eyes because the siren was so loud. The woman noticed.

"Well, Esmerelda, you had an episode. Hey, Larney, cut the squealers!" The sirens turned off.

"No rush?"

"The kid's fine."

"Oh, good. That's good. This traffic. Hey, fucko! Get a move on! Why did I take the West Side? Move or lose it asshole!"

"Now relax there, kid, you are going to be fine. What happened? Do you remember?"

"I was, um, I don't know. I just remember the handcuffs."

"Handcuffs?" The woman looked at Whitey's wrists. She sighed. "That fucking home. I'm reporting them this time."

"What's that?" Larney thought the woman was talking to him.

"They had the kid in handcuffs!"

"That fucking home! We need to report them!"

"Has this happened to you before?" The woman was talking to Whitey.

"What do you mean?" Whitey wasn't sure what part of anything she meant.

"The fit. Have you ever had a fit before?"

"What's a fit?"

"An episode. Have you ever passed out before?" Whitey was even more confused. He knew what passing out was, but it was with respect to alcohol or drugs. He remembered Brandy talking about Jonx passing out. But Whitey himself had never done drugs or drank anything. Well, there was that one time with Doctor Theresa. But he didn’t pass out from it. As far as an "Episode" was concerned, Whitey had no frame of reference for that.

"Not that I know of."

"I think you would know. That's a good sign, I suppose. How long have you been at the Harlem Houses?"

"The HHH?" Whitey knew this one. The shirt that the angry women wore. He was glad that he wasn't confused about it.

"Yeah."

"Two nights."

"Two nights and they put you in handcuffs? What did you do? Don't answer that, it's not important. I am sure it is not your fault. Just relax, we will be at the hospital in no time. Then they can take a look at you."

"Okay."

"Are you comfortable?"

"The straps are tight."

"I know, I'm sorry, it is protocol. Let me see if I can..." The woman loosened the straps a little. This made Whitey feel better. He was worried about the pigeons now. They wouldn't know where he was going. He hoped that they would know he was in the ambulance. Maybe they were on the roof taking a ride? This made Whitey smile to think about. The drove down the West Side as Larney had called it for some time. Stopping and starting. The ambulance jostling Whitey. The woman just sitting there. Trying to maintain her balance. Larney yelling at people from the front of the vehicle. The woman kept smiling at Whitey. It was a sad smile. She understood what happened at Harlem Halfway Houses. Especially to young Black men. She was Black herself. Whitey liked her eyes. They were kind. He wasn't used to kind eyes looking at him. She said:

"I'm sorry you ended up there. I really am going to report them this time. It needs to stop. I don't know why they haven't been shut down. It really makes me want to..." The woman wasn't really talking to Whitey. He could tell she was thinking about something in the distance. He didn't process what she was saying. He just kind of bounced around, looking at stuff in the ambulance. Trying to ignore the smells. Thinking about the pigeons. Wondering if they knew where he was. Wondering if they would be able to find him. The woman eventually stopped talking. They rode the rest of the way to the hospital in silence. Larney yelling at cars every now and again. Eventually they got off of the West Side as Larney had called it. The ambulance lurched and bucked a few more times. Took a few turns. Then the ambulance stopped. The woman got out. Larney got out. They pulled the gurney that Whitey was strapped to out of the ambulance. They wheeled him towards the hospital emergency entrance. They were pushing Whitey through the doors when someone came over and stopped them. The man was wearing a lab coat. He looked exhausted. He was carrying a clipboard. He looked down at Whitey. Then he looked at the woman. He said:

"What do we have?"

"Unknown. Possible seizure. He seems to be bleeding from the left ear. Thirteen years old. Hey, Esmerelda, how old are you?"

"Thirteen."

"Thirteen. Came from the Harlem Houses."

"Those fucking...why can't they keep their hands off of these kids? Okay, serious?"

"I don't know. They had him in cuffs. The kid says he hasn't had a seizure before."

"Well, shit. I can't admit him. We are full up. You can take him to General. Or try, at least. Esmerelda, do you have family?" The man in the lab coat said. Whitey wasn't sure what that meant. He did come from a family.

"I have a mom and a dad, I think. I know I have a mom."

"Can you get in touch with them?"

"My mom used to be in Brooklyn."

"Do you know a number?" Whitey knew lots of numbers.

"I think so."

"Well, it's your lucky day then." The man in the lab coat turned to the woman and Larney. "I guess we can unstrap him and get him to the lobby. He can call his family. Other than that, I don't know what else we can do about it."

"Esmerelda, does that seem okay to you?" Whitey didn't care. What else was he going to do?

"That's okay to me." They unstrapped Whitey. Helped him sit up. He got off of the gurney. He stood there while they put the gurney back in the ambulance. Whitey looked up. The pigeons were standing on top of the ambulance. He waved. The pigeons bobbed back. Larney got back into the front of the ambulance. The woman took Whitey by the shoulder and led him towards the lobby of the hospital. The man in the lab coat went back inside the building.

The lobby was full of people. People that seemed to be waiting. The woman had Whitey sit down. Whitey sat down. He watched the woman walk to the front desk. She talked to somebody behind the desk. Pointed at Whitey. Whitey sat there. Watching. The woman behind the desk nodded. Said something. The woman from the ambulance came back over to Whitey. She said:

"It's going to be a while. If you need anything just ask that woman at the desk. Her name is Lorey, she will help you. Oh, right, hold on!" The woman from the ambulance went back to the front desk. She grabbed a clipboard and brought it back. She handed it to Whitey. Made sure the pen was working and handed that to him as well. "Fill this out. You can read and write, yes?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what else I can do to help. They will take care of you. Just fill that out and wait for them, is that okay?" Whitey thought it was just fine. He was glad he wasn't strapped in the gurney any longer. He was also glad to be away from the Harlem Houses and the angry women.

"I think that is okay."

"Okay, good. Just don't go anywhere. Understood? I'm not supposed to leave you here, but Lorey said she would keep an eye on you. I will probably be back in a little while, we can play some cards or something. Does that sound good?" That sounded good to Whitey. He liked cards.

"I like cards."

"So do I, okay. See you shortly." The woman from the ambulance left. Whitey turned around and watched her leave. She was nice. He watched her get in the ambulance. The ambulance started to drive away. The pigeons flew up into the air. They landed by the lobby doors. Bobbing around. They were doing some funny moves. Whitey could tell they were just messing around for his sake. He shook his head. Meaning, Not now, this is serious. The pigeons stopped messing around. Whitey turned back around. Smiling about the pigeons hijinks. He looked down at the paper on the clipboard. He started filling it out. He wrote his name down. Then his date of birth. He wrote his mom's name down. When it asked for parent or guardian. Then he thought about that. His mom was dead. He missed his mom. He scribbled his mom's name out. Then he tried to think of someone else. Nothing came to mind. Then he just sat there. Looking at the paper. He couldn't fill out any of the things that he was supposed to fill out. He had no address. He had no phone number. He was able to mark the box that said "Male." He didn't know what his ailment was or what an ailment was. He didn't know what insurance was. Or who provided it. He didn't know if he had any allergies. He thought that he kind of understood what an allergy was. It was something that he didn't like. He knew that. He wrote "Onions" in the area provided. That was it. He couldn't fill anything else out. He wasn't sure if he needed to take the clipboard back up to Lorey so he didn't. He just sat there. Looking around. Everyone seemed miserable. Sick. Some people were sleeping. The woman sitting closest to him kept coughing. She was very loud. He felt bad for her. But her cough made him jump every time she would do it. Whitey tried to stay focused but he was getting bored. He began to wonder when the woman from the ambulance would be back with cards to play. He liked playing cards. He was pretty good at them. Mostly the one where you memorize the cards and flip them over. But there was another one that he liked too. The one where the higher card wins. He was good at that one. He especially like the joker card. He liked how the guy on the card seemed like he was having a good time. The other cards seemed so angry and grown up. But the joker card guy seemed like he was having fun. Whitey eventually got sick of sitting around and stood up. He made sure that Lorey wasn't looking and he went outside to talk to the pigeons. He left the clipboard on his seat so she would know that he hadn't gone far.

The pigeons were glad to see him. They bounced around when he came out of the lobby doors. Whitey looked inside to see if anyone was looking. Nobody was. He said:

"Come on!" The pigeons followed him around the side of the building. Out of sight from Lorey. He stopped. He had no plans on going any further. He just wanted to have some time alone with the pigeons while he waited. He wanted to ask them how the ride down from the Harlem Houses was. If they flew down or if they rode on top of the ambulance, but he couldn't get a word in. They were all just very excited to see him that they all talked at once.

"What were you doing in the car?"

"Why were you strapped in that cart thing?"

"Why was the car you in so loud?"

"Why are all those people inside that area waiting?"

"What are they waiting for?"

"What are you waiting for?"

"Why don't you have any bread for us?"

"Why did you leave that room you were in?"

"Why were those people so mean to you?"

"Why don't you have any bread for us?"

Whitey couldn't answer any of their questions. He said:

"I have some apple seeds. Do you guys want them?" The pigeons thought they wanted them. They liked seeds. But when Whitey took them out and threw them on the ground nobody ate them. Whitey watched for a while. Then he bent down and picked the apple seeds up and put them back in his pocket. His empty pocket reminded him that his sandwich was gone. He was hungry. He didn't know what to do about this. It had been a very long time since he was in charge of getting his own food. Not since Jonx and Brandy had died. He thought about the sandwiches he made after they died. They made him even more hungry. He didn't know what to do. The hospital lobby didn't have any food. Not that he could see. He wondered if he could go out and have a look around. Maybe find some food then come back. He asked the pigeons what they thought. They thought it seemed like a great idea. He could get some food then come right back. Nobody would notice. And if they did notice, they could come get him. He wouldn't go far.

It was decided then. Whitey would go see if he could find some food. He started walking away from the hospital. The pigeons hopping behind him. There were five of them. They were slow hoppers. Whitey was walking slowly so they could keep up. This was taking too long though. He asked them if they could fly instead. They decided they could. They didn't want to because maybe Whitey would say something funny that they wanted to hear. But they flew up into the trees anyway. Mostly because Whitey started walking too fast. Eventually they got tired of flying from tree to tree and just landed on Whitey's shoulders. This was a good arrangement. The pigeons didn't have to hop along and since they were close to Whitey they could hear anything he had to say that was funny to hear.

Whitey walked down the sidewalk with pigeons on his shoulders. He had no idea where he was going. People were looking at him. Whitey had no idea where he was. The buildings were tall. There were quite a few people on the sidewalk. He came to a corner. He looked at the street signs. Broadway. West 116th Street. That didn't help him at all. He knew he was somewhere in the city, but he had no frame of reference. What West meant, he didn't know. He knew the sun set in the west. He looked up. The sun was in the middle of the sky. He turned to the right on Broadway and came to West 117th Street. That meant he was heading north, he decided. But now he was all turned around. He hadn't been paying very much attention to where he was going because he was worried about the pigeons keeping up. Now that they were on his shoulders he wasn't even sure if he was walking away from the hospital or towards it. He didn't know what direction the hospital was anymore. He became very disoriented. He had just meant to go out looking for food, now he was lost. The pigeons were no help. They only knew where to fly to. They had no idea what a street name was. All they could say was:

"That way, no, that's wrong, maybe this way." Whitey had to stop listening to them. They were no help. He got tired of walking and sat down on a bench. People were walking by. Looking. He was talking to the pigeons. They were talking back, but only he could hear them. Whitey was now very hungry. He was also kind of scared. He didn't mean to get lost. He didn't know the name of the hospital so he couldn't even ask for directions. He tried to ask a woman that was walking by really fast. She just looked at him, scared. Said:

"I...I don't have anything, sorry." Whitey didn't know what to do. There was nothing he could do. He asked the pigeons what they thought. They didn't have any ideas. They saw a guy throwing out bread crumbs. This excited them. They said they would go ask him about things. Whitey watched them fly over to the guy. They didn't ask him anything. They just bobbed around and ate the bread crumbs. Whitey walked over to where the guy was and tried to ask him where the hospital was. The guy just looked at Whitey like he was speaking a different language. Whitey stared at the hunk of bread the guy was breaking off crumbs from. It looked really tasty. He wanted a bite. The guy saw what Whitey was looking at and put the hunk of bread in his pocket and walked away. The pigeons were angry about this. One of them said:

"Why did you do that?"

"I didn't do anything. I just looked."

"Well you scared him away, that was some tasty bread."

"I know, it looked like it. I am sorry."

"Well, maybe he will come back."

"I hope so."

Whitey sat down on a bench. Watching people walking by. The guy with the bread didn't come back. Whitey became very sad. He didn't know what to do. He was hungry and lost. He had no way of figuring out how to get back to the hospital. Everyone was ignoring him. Or, they were looking at him and then ignoring him. The pigeons were no help. They were starting to obsess about other bread to find. About maybe going back to the river to take a break. Whitey begged them not to go. They told him they had to go. It was getting late. They would come back tomorrow. Whitey didn't know what to say. He watched them fly away. He got so frustrated that he let out a yelp. The people walking by looked at him and started walking faster. Whitey didn't know what to do. He decided to just sit there and hope for something to come along. When nothing came along he curled up on the bench. He didn't know if he should cry or go to sleep. He kind of did both.