[62] The Charmer's Market

[62] The Charmer's Market:

Tomorrow is the big day! The Friends of Hancock Farmer's Market and Rhubarb Scented Homemade Candles Emporium. I am officially in it to win it. $125 dollars for the booth. $84 dollars for a 10' x 10' canopy. $46 dollars for a collapsible table. A million other tiny things. Not to mention food costs and time invested. I mean, this venture was never about making money, but I am going in with a heavy debt. I mean, I just had a thought that I should focus more on making bagels. They are cheaper and easier. But as I was having that thought I was like, Hold on! The whole point of doing this is not to recoup losses, it is for research on a cookbook. But also, it is really hard to know how to go into tomorrow exactly. I mean, 3p-6p. I keep forgetting those are the hours. In my mind it is 1p to 3p. Don't know why. But that is three hours. If I can manage to sell five Cubby Bubbys an hour, I should make 15 Cubby Bubbys. That seems reasonable, right? My recipe yields 10 burgers. I make 20 burgers and hope for the best. I am also going to see about making 20 bagels. I mean, by see, I mean, I made two doughs tonight that are in the fridge right now. If they behave and I can still use the dough in the morning then I just saved myself a bunch of time tomorrow. If the dough explodes in the fridge and I have to spend two hours cleaning it up, maybe not so much.

Me and Professor Curly went to Burlington yesterday. To get supplies. Check out the scene. The scene was strangely depressing. I mean, Vermont is pretty liberal, like very liberal, in theory, but it is very very very white. Which is okay, I guess, I mean Norway is that way. I'm not sure I want to talk about the politics of Vermont's whiteness at the moment. I find it gross and wish it was different, but quite a few things would have to change before we get any real diversity around here. What I do want to talk about is how the state is, I don't know, "Liberal" when it comes to certain politics. There are BLM signs everywhere. I mean, Everywhere. Hand made, store bought, the works. And Vermont identifies as being hyper-liberal when it comes to "Social Justice" but those are just words when you go into the biggest town in the State and you go downtown, where the collage is, and everyone has their BLM signs hanging and their Pride flags waving and then a group of black men comes around and suddenly everyone is very very nervous. I mean, this story is anecdotal, but I think it applies pretty good. Me and PC went into a diner to have lunch. We were the only two eating there. The day was nice and everyone else was on the strip eating outside. As we sat there waiting for our food a group of black men in their 20's came in. And I am not saying the diner was racist or anything, because I do think that Vermont is actually trying to be inclusive, there is just no inclusivity to be had because people of color don't feel welcome here, and for good reason, I mean, once again this is anecdotal, but because I grew up in Wyoming I have seen this sort of thing many many times, when the group of black men came into the diner everything changed. Everything went silent. The mood altered. The tension increased. It was pretty weird. I mean, it wasn't really the welcome wagon if you know what I mean. I am not saying it was racist, it probably was, but not in the same way that say a group of black men going into a diner in Mississippi or Wyoming would be, but it definitely wasn't neutral like Brooklyn. And it didn't have the cultural curiosity that as racist as Norway is, they at least care about the world around them. And find it interesting. This just felt like a bunch of white people holding their breath, trying to not think bad thoughts, and not say something disgusting. But maybe I am projecting, who knows. I mean, from experience in Wyoming this is how things work. But in Wyoming it isn't just race, it is social norms, sexual orientation, anyone that doesn't look like Junior Mint. Playing the part. The biggest crime you can commit in Wyoming socially is to not play by the style rules. If you aren't dressed like a slob, or dressed like you are about to go line dancing at a honky tonk, then you can just get fucked. There are exceptions for farmers and hunters, but that is it's own fashion crowd. I guess my point is this; You can't have diversity in a place that treats any outsider like they are an outsider. Even if your intentions are good. Being nervous around black people is a racism in itself. Because it codifies difference. It is the same with being nervous around LGBTQ+ if you yourself are cis. I mean, I don't know how to solve the problem aside from just getting people to experience more of the world. But diversity is about exposure. It can't exist in a vacuum. Having a diverse Idea about Society does not make Society diverse. And that would mean for Vermont, to actually lure people of color up here. And I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Anyway. I got the Philly cheese steak. With fries. Professor Curly got the Greek salad. It came with pita bread. I don't know why that is funny, but it is. A salad that comes with bread. I mean, it is a little like the Chef's salad. You think you want a nice fresh light meal but when it comes it is just cold cuts and mayo floating in a sea of Iceberg adjacent lettuce. I mean, Romaine lettuce has some pretty damn good PR if you ask me. I don't know how or when it happened, but the lettuce is just water. Maybe a little bit of roughage. I don't know, supposedly it has a few vitamins, but not enough to make it spinach or any of the darker leaf lettuces. But here it is, convincing us that it is healthier than Iceberg. But hear me out, because I know I am basically alone on this controversial thought, it is really hard to clean Romaine lettuce. It gets people sick All the time. They recall huge swaths of it every year because of E. Coli. They never do that with Iceberg. Why is that? I will tell you why that is, Iceberg lettuce is it's own package. You just peel off the top couple layers and you got yourself some clean lettuce. It doesn't need to be washed. It doesn't need to be processed. It is ready to go. Ready to not get you sick. And because you don't have to wash it, you don't have to dry it. You don't need a salad spinner. And guess what? It tastes better. It is sweet and crunchy. Good in salads and good on sandwiches. It contains nearly the same amount of roughage and vitamins as Romaine. So why go with Romaine when you can get all your lettuce needs from a tastier and more simple product.

This diatribe is brought to you by the Iceberg Lettuce Consortium. Do you find yourself sickened by your lettuce? Are you done with recalls and diarrhea? Choose Iceberg Lettuce. The one leafy green that won't Lettuce down.

Professor Curly went to the City. To have a look-see at theaters. Among other things. Me and the Publisher are supposed to go next week. With Grit, I think. I still want to go, but it looks like the place will be hot as shit. 90F+ for the week. I mean, the one thing I am very glad to be out of is the intolerable Summers in the City. It is a constant battle of feeling like an asshole for running the air conditioner all the time, the extra cost of electricity that entails, and the millions and billions of mosquitoes biting you if you leave your window open. Sleepless nights. No relief. Same temperature day and night. Rotten trash. But things are opening up again. So it would probably be pretty fun in the end. Sit outside. Drink a few beers. Look at people. Not feel so isolated.

I went into the Hannaford’s in Middlebury today. No mask. What a good time! No fogged glasses. I could see peoples faces. They haven't changed. Everyone is still sour as ever. I took the back roads to get there. Over Lincoln Gap. Then left on a wrong road that took me a different route than I thought I would be taking. I got to Ripton sooner than I thought I would. As I was pulling out onto the highway, guess who I saw? No, it wasn't Bernie, but Scott! Coming back from Middlebury with a load of farm food. I waved and waved. He didn't notice me because I was in PC's RealEstateMobile. REM. What's the frequency Kenneth? I mean, the car kind of disappears into the crowd. The only thing that defined it was this license plate cover that the guys removed when they gave it an inspection for some reason. I mean, the inspection was on purpose. I still don't understand why they took the plastic cover off. It wasn't blocking any of the information on the plates. Whatever. I am glad to see it go, but now the plates are floppy and I worry that the nuts will vibrate off. And once we drop those nuts, all hell will break loose. Cap nuts. They call them. The ones with the dome that stops them from threading all the way down the screw-shaft. And if you think I am trying to be sexy about this, I am!

But tomorrow. I guess we will have to see. I now have an extra two hours that I didn't think I had. I should probably get up at 8a. Take the fridge doughs out so they can warm up and maybe expand. Start a new dough. Wait 30 minutes. Start another dough. I got the fillings ready for the Cabby Bubbys. I think I can do eight veggies, and 12 regulars. I made a veggie filling that is mushroom, cabbage, onions and juices. I will add some Swiss cheese to the mix before I make them. I already cut the cheese into cubes. I should probably add it in before I go to bed, but I am not sure I will. It seems like a problem for tomorrow. I don't want to force it. I mean, I may end up with a 50/50 veggie to regular thing happening. If that is the case, then I will have a large amount of regular filling left over. And if that is the case, I will just freeze the leftovers. Use it next week. I like the idea of the flavors kind of maturing over time. I mean, adding the old batch to the new batch. Like maybe the flavors will develop? Like a Kimchi or a Sauerkraut. But not too much to make it overwhelming. There will still be a sense of immediacy to Cabbage Burgers without being overwhelming. I mean, Vermont-Style. I will wait until August to introduce the spicy ones. When it is hot and peoples tongues can be cooled by the sweet sweet bliss of Creemees. One bite of zesty Cubby Bubby, one lick of Creemee. Bernie handing out Government healthcare to everyone like a coupon. Then all the men over 40 can go into the prostate tent. Eating there Cubby Bubby, licking their Creemee, while getting a finger shoved up their butt.

I guess I am all over the place tonight. I should hit the sack. Get some rest. Big day tomorrow. Me and Grit have our outfits laid out. We are both going to wear FunBunz Fencing and Bagels t-shirts. I will wear the red brush popper I have. Grit will wear a red sweater she has. And if it gets too warm we can take them off. We are going to wear jeans. Cooking Cockroach chef's hats. It should be pretty cute. She is bringing eggs and chocolate chip cookies. To sell. I have a nice table cloth that me and PC bought in Burlington. I hope it fits. I don't know, tomorrow will be a learning lesson. I will get up early and show up early. There is nothing else to do about it. I mean, I probably need some cash for change, all I got is 20's and there is no bank in Roach-Town. Maybe somebody is dealing with that at the Market. I doubt it. I suppose I can go into Mac's and buy some candy or something. To get change. I mean, I think Grit will be coming with a swiper thing for cards. We'll see. If I have to give away my inventory tomorrow it won't be the worst thing. Good press. I can make up for it in the following weeks. I suppose. Then again this whole thing is a Social Experiment anyway. I should just give the things away. Why not? The business model is atrocious. I would need to go from nothing to selling 100s of these things a day to make it worth anyone’s time. And I can only reasonably expect to get 10 people an hour to have a tiny bit of interest, and of them, maybe half will be curious enough to engage. I mean, I think I may be as unwelcome as the group of black men in the diner in Burlington. Maybe if I have some rhubarb dangling from the rafters the locals won't be so skittish.