[8] Soft Elbows

[8]

Nothing happened. Same old shit. I mean, the sun came up. That happened. I am pretty sure the Matron wheeled her cart by. She didn't stop though. No reason, I guess. I mean, how she would know if there was a reason or not to stop is anyone's guess. I guess. I mean, if she knows what I know. That nobody came around last night. Aside from that truck that came into the parking lot and turned around. And, I mean, the guy that walked by maybe talking to somebody. Or maybe that was Danny. I don't know. I would think something would happen, probably. I mean, it is not from a lack of desire. As it were. I mean, maybe she will stop in on her way back by. The Matron I mean. With her cart. There has to be something in the works for her today. I would think. Being a proprietor and all, right? Deliveries or something. Cleaning services for towels and stuff. But maybe she just does those herself? Or Danny for that matter. I don't know. Maybe Danny is off somewhere sleeping it off. Or maybe he is one of those drunks that gets up early and gets a head start on the rest of the world. I mean, from as drunk as he seemed yesterday when the cop was around I would think he would hit the sack pretty early. But who knows. Maybe he was faking it all. Like I said. I mean, it is a pretty good possibility that he walked by in the wee hours of the night. Stone-cold sober. Talking to a mystery person. Or maybe it was the Matron and the whole damsel in distress with a drunk buddy and missing dog thing was all just a big ruse. But for whose sake though? The cop was the only guy around. I mean, I was there too, but that doesn't mean shit. I mean, unless they somehow know I am here and there is something really spooky going on. I mean, that is ludicrous. I mean, the most likely thing is that Danny is a drunk and the Matron is a dramatic liar. That the dog is not hers. JuJu Beans. That somebody left the dog behind when she tried to get them to pay or something. And she mis-gauged the results of such a transaction. I mean, that, or something really funny just occurred to me. Sniffles! It is Sniffles dog! And I was brought here as a distraction. Then, when nobody was looking I took the dog. That was all the whole thing was really about! That he did in fact rub bacon grease on my heel. To lure the dog. And I was just supposed to act all hungover and whatever. Leave the room. Take the dog with me. So the Matron wouldn't know who took the dog. I mean, that is stupid. If that was true she would know all about who the dog belonged to. Then she wouldn't let the dog come near the motel room. But if Sniffles knew she would be watching and that I would be passed out and the door would be left open and Sniffles was long gone she would let her guard down and let the dog wander around and then the dog would come into the room and lick my heel and I would just get up and go to my car and take the dog away with me. I mean, if it is true it is a very brilliant plan. Otherwise it is just idiotic thinking. I mean, that is just so very complicated. I mean, this would mean that Sniffles rented the room for the week knowing that he was going to steal his dog back. But if the whole reason the dog was here in the first place then why not just pay the Matron to get the dog back? I mean, Sniffles is cheap as shit. We all know that, but is he so cheap that he would pay for a week in a motel room to save himself money from not paying for a motel room before now? I mean, yes, but not really. I mean, it is possible that the money he owes the Matron is more money than just the motel room and maybe if that is true then he did something very clever. If the stakes were only the dog. I mean, if he just owed some money and the only thing that was getting him to pay the money was the dog. You know what I mean? If that makes sense. I mean, that doesn't explain the Lander Valley Tigers duffel bag and the half-sweaty return to the motel room. Not really. I mean, it might. Maybe that is why he left the door open again? To let the Matron see that he had a duffel bag filled with something that she would assume was money, much like what I assumed the duffel bag was filled with. I mean, the more I think about this the more I am convincing myself that Sniffles is not in fact coming back. He got what he wanted. I played my part. I mean, that means that I am not coming back either. But still, why would he trick me into getting drunk and then roofie me? The old sneaky bottle trick that he pulled. I mean, what would be the point of that? Unless, I mean, aside from the roofie, if he wanted the Matron to know that he was drinking. I mean, like she could see us or something. And she knew he was getting drunk and then she let her guard down and went to sleep or something. Like Sniffles didn't want her to know that he could drive away or something. But that is ridiculous. How would she know how much he drank. I mean, aside from watching. And maybe that is why he did the sneaky drinking. But still, it doesn't explain why I had to be roofied and hung out to dry though. I mean, I know myself, I would have gone along with this plan if Sniffles asked me to. I mean, it is a very clever plan. I mean, why can't I remember that conversation! Of all things to blank on. To black-out about. Those stupid hours after I got here and then the morning. I mean, maybe that is the one thing that makes all of this make sense. Why did they have to drug me? What is so important that I need to not remember it? I mean, that thought alone makes this more complicated ruse, more complicated than the drunken Danny and the damsel in distress maneuver. I mean, I don't believe that ruse. I do, however, believe that this other ruse could be true. If only I could remember what happened when we were drinking all that gin and smoking those Doral 100s. I mean, am I remembering right that Sniffles went out to get ice that night? Did I just make that up? If not, maybe that would be part of it too. Like him going out to get ice was part of it. Like he was going outside to check on the Matron. See if she was still up or something. I mean, I don't even know what I mean. That ruse, if it is true, is something for the history books. Because if all of this, all this suffering is just to steal a dog back? I mean, hats off to that fucker. Now just come back and get me! Set me free you asshole.

But how could he know I would get stuck here? I mean, maybe that is the thing? Maybe there is a new designer drug on the market that I don't know about. Maybe they were just trying it out on me? That certainly would suck. I mean, if it is a drug it has to wear off at some point, right? Otherwise I feel like I may be stuck here forever. And if that is the case. I don't even want to think about what that would mean. So far it has been insufferable. I mean, I guess deep down I feel like this will be over at some point. But why do I think that? And if it isn't true, I don't know what I would do. I mean, you can get through anything if you know that there is an end to the misery. But what if there is no end? I mean, it is daylight now. Things feel different than last night. Like really anything could happen. Since it is daylight. But last night. That was dark. Dark all around. I mean, I don't want to even think about another night remembering the old times. I have spent much of my life forgetting them. But when you have a body and agency, I mean, you can have some drinks or at the very least an ice cream sandwich to distract you. I mean, make it a doubler, especially one that has been sitting around in the freezer for a while. Something to chew on for some time. I mean, without that though. It is just you and your dumb brain. Especially if you don't sleep or can't eat or piss or watch tv or I mean, really anything. I mean, I don't even have smells to think about. Just looks and listens. I mean, I just dangle. Like some salty booger of a caterpillar or something. Cocooned in the corner of this skanky motel room. In Lander. Of all places, Lander. Lander fucking Wyoming. I mean, the home of the quarter century swim team State champs. The Lander Valley Tigers. I mean, I know we swam against them a few times. I kind of remember it. I mean, them beating the hell out of us. I remember one time they couldn't make a meet because they got snowed in. That was a glorious meet if I remember. We cleaned everyone’s clocks because the ringer team was stuck at home crying into their Cheerios. I mean, it was a hollow victory, but a victory either way. I mean, we had a decent swim team that year. If I remember right. But nothing too special. I mean, I don't remember much more than that, but I do remember the bus ride back was pretty cheerful. But whatever. That is neither here nor there. I mean, there is no information to be gleaned from a rickety performance that was a hollow victory because the real team that you were competing against didn't show up because of snow. I mean, I am trying to think if there was nefarious shit going on back then. I mean, I can't think of much. Maybe some of the swimmers smoking weed or something. Hotel room shenanigans. Getting yelled at maybe. By the coach or the assistant coach. I mean, I don't think there was some sort of underground crime syndicate or some dumb bullshit. I mean, I am not saying that is what is happening here, I just find it curious that Sniffles is cruising around with a Lander Valley Tigers swim team duffel bag. Half-sweaty. I mean, even if it is a big ruse to get his dog back. I mean, that is a weird detail to enter into the events. I mean, where the hell did he get it? But the most odd detail in all of this is the fact that Sniffles would have a dog. I mean, he has about as much patience for a dog as I do for dangling around in a skanky motel room. I mean, not much is what I mean. I mean, the dude is kind of a freeloader. And to think of him thinking about someone else aside from himself. I mean, even if it is a cute doggers like JuJu Beans. Who loves a good ice cream sandwich wrapper lick. A nice frisbee in the park. A nice walk over by the Sagebrush Extension. I mean, who likes to stop at Hell's Half Acre and have a look around. Who likes to hang her head out the rolled down window. Catching a nice breeze in her mouth. I mean, I just don't see Sniffles having a dog. But maybe that is it too? Maybe he isn't doing the dognapping for himself. Maybe he is doing it for somebody else? Maybe that is why he had to roofie me? So I wouldn't know who his client was? I mean, whatever. This line of reasoning is getting out of hand. There is no way that any of this is true. It would mean that all sorts of different things would need to happen first. I mean, the real mystery is not this whole dog idea. The real mystery is whether there was money in that duffel bag and what the hell happened to Sniffles.

Oh! Here we go! The Matron is back. She pushed to cart inside the room. Turned the tv on. Man, the thing is ancient. I should make a note of that. It is taking some time to warm up. She shut the door. She is lying on the bed. Still wearing her track suit. I guess she doesn't change it out when the day comes around. Maybe she has a different system. The tv is loud. This time there is some sort of daytime talk show. I don't know what it is. But there is a lot of loud talking. It looks like she is asleep already. Oh, she is snoring now. I wonder if she just stays up all night. That is what her eyes looked like. She seemed exhausted. Flaccid. Drawn and pale. She doesn't look very healthy. She kind of looks like a bologna sandwich. If that makes sense. I mean, maybe it is because her track suit is the color of white bread. And her skin is almost shiny with pinkness. And there are little green lines running up and down the outer edges of her tracksuit. I mean, she also looks like she smells like Miracle Whip. Tangy or whatever. I mean, she looks kind of wet as well. Like her hair is very greasy. Almost curled with grease. And her mouth is making these weird moves as she sleeps. Like she is playing with her tongue in her mouth. I mean, I feel weird just staring at her sleeping. I mean, it seems perverted. But what can I do? It's not like I have a choice. I mean, this tv show is grotesque. Just a bunch of people talking loudly about nonsense. And now there is some guy coming out in a cop uniform. Oh, I see, he is a stripper. Oh, now the audience is standing up, dancing in the aisles. What the hell is this? It is making me feel really dumb. I mean, I don't know what to look at. The Matron is still sleeping but she seems to have rolled over. I mean, she rolled over, what I mean though is that she did it in a way that she is now in a very odd position. She kind of looks like a horse on it's side. Her neck sticking out. Her mouth wide open. Both her arms are stretched out. The people on the tv are clapping and screaming now. Somebody showed up that is not very happy. She is trying to get the stripper to stop stripping. Now he is screaming at her. A bunch of other people came out of nowhere. Now there seems to be a fight happening. A brawl. Now there are other cops involved. Not stripper cops though. Where did they come from? Oh, now it is a commercial. Ha! Miracle Whip. If it aint got that zip. A little on the nose don't you think? Oh, now the Matron is awake again. That didn't take long. Maybe the commercial made her hungry? Oh, she is playing with herself. Yikes. She is really going to town. Her legs are sticking straight out. And there you go. She farted. I guess that means she finished. She is smelling her hand. She stood up. She turned the tv off. She opened the door. She is pushing the cart out. She closed the door.

Okay, then. I guess that is a ritual of hers. A power nap and then fart one out. Why this room I wonder? I mean, before I thought that maybe she was hoping Sniffles would catch her in the act, I mean, then they would bump uglies or whatever. But now I just think this is the room that really hits the spot or whatever. I mean, twice now she has come in here to do her thing. Twice she hasn't done anything with the room. I mean, she either knows that nobody is going to catch her, or she just doesn't care. I mean, I guess she runs the place. I mean, what is anyone going to do about it? Kick her out? Call the cops? I mean, maybe she does this ritual in every room. Nap, fart one out. Nap, fart one out. I mean, in theory she has to clean the rooms. Or at least replace the towels and the soaps or whatever. I mean, maybe she is just a pervert? Getting off from dirty motel rooms. Or, I mean, maybe she just learned that she gets off on these things. It just came with the job. Something she learned along the way. About herself. I mean, why not? It must be pretty weird to run a skanky motel in Lander, Wyoming. Especially a skanky motel that isn't on the main drag or whatever. I mean, who even comes here? It isn't the travelling businessmen. I would think. They would just stay at the hotels next to the highway. I mean, it must just be cheap criminals and maybe the occasional oil worker or something. Maybe truck drivers that don't have credit cards and only can pay cash or something. I mean, if you didn't know the town there is no way you would accidentally end up here. And, as far as I can tell, the motel is best to be avoided. I mean, it seems like they don't really change the sheets and the proprietor is kind of a pervert. I mean, if I wasn't stuck dangling in this joint I wouldn't touch this place with a ten foot pole. I mean, not again that is. I mean, I have been here for nearly twenty four hours and I will tell you, it is already twenty four hours too many. I mean, I have been here for longer than that, but before I ended up just dangling from the corner like a salty booger I was just here briefly to get drunk on gin and smoke Doral 100s with Sniffles. I mean, had I known what was going to happen to me. I mean, there is no way in hell I would have driven the nearly three hours from Casper to get here. I would have told Sniffles to get bent. I mean, there is no ruse in the world that is worth what I have been through. Even if it meant that I would be fancy-free galavanting all over creation with JuJu Beans. I mean, I would laugh if I could feel anything. I mean, I laughed before when that Miracle Whip thing came on the tv. But that was more like an ironic laugh. I didn't feel it deep down. It was just funny that they were advertising Miracle Whip when the Matron was lying there looking like a bologna sandwich and seeming like she smelled like Miracle Whip. You know what I mean? Do you? Do you know what I mean? I hope so, because I am really trying to get my message across. And it is really starting to feel like there is no way out of here! I mean, I don't care how much thinking I do, I don't think I can think my way out of this wet paper bag that is what is happening right now. I mean, even Einstein would be having the same trouble I am having. I mean, maybe not, that dude would probably have something to think about. But still, you get my drift, right? I mean, oh! I just felt something. Whoa. That was odd. Okay, I think I just made something happen getting angry like that. I felt a little pulse down below. Shit. I am not angry anymore. Fuck. Come back! Anger! See! Even Einstein would be able to get angry on demand. That guy must have been surrounded by assholes and hangers-on. All I got is morons like Sniffles who is missing in action and the Come-Fart Bologna Sandwich. I mean, I can't get angry with them. They are just too stupid. I can get angry with myself, but only kind of. When I think about myself I just feel pity. Pity isn't anger. Pity is just frustration. I mean, I guess frustration can lead to anger, but that only works if you can feel really sorry for yourself. I mean, I guess I did there for a second. But the moment has passed. Whatever. Oh! I just felt it again. Shit. It passed. Fucking hell.