[93] Screed City
[93]
02/06/2022 Sunday. Kitchen Microwave. Beaver Haus. Lower Granville, Vermont.
I cracked the first homemade Tickler. I don't know what to say. The bubbles didn't stick around. The taste is fine, but the smell is a little off. I mean, I don't know what I mean. I added a squirt of lime juice to it. As far as I can tell it is doing it's job. I mean, it is going down smooth and all. As far as the science is concerned it has 5% alcohol. I suppose I will find out in the morning if I just made homemade hangover juice or if this is a cheap and easy alternative to giving Big Tickler all my hard earned cashola. I mean, it's not right, the question though is how not right it is. I mean, it's not sweet at least. So that is good. I mean, I think I may try a different yeast next time. Next time meaning, when I either drink all four gallons of this swill or if I just dump it down the drain and start all over again.
The sap line is done. Ready for pancakes. We replaced all the hoses. 100 taps in all. Just in time for sunset today. Scott gets on a plane to Italy tomorrow. I mean, there is one last line to do. Which, since I learned how to do the things I can do that later in the week. And then, later in the year, maybe the Fall or maybe in the late Spring when the snow has all melted, I can go down there and DogBoy beach the fucker. I mean, the work was very hard. We had to wear snow shoes the whole time. Up and down the side of the hill. Zig zagging in and out of the woods. Connecting to the main line. I mean, Scott and I both hugged a tree a couple of times. Then we dragged the line. Which, I mean, maybe that song "Dragging the Line" by Tommy James and the Shontells is about making maple syrup?
Makin' a livin' the old hard way
Takin' and givin' my day by day
I dig snow and rain and bright sunshine
Draggin' the line (Draggin' the line)
My dog Sam eats purple flowers
We ain't got much but what we got's ours
We dig snow and rain and bright sunshine
Draggin' the line (Draggin' the line)
Draggin' the line (Draggin' the line)
I feel fine, I'm talkin' 'bout peace of mind
I'm gonna take my time
I'm gettin' the good sign
Draggin' the line (Draggin' the line)
Draggin' the line (Draggin' the line)
Lovin' the free and feelin' spirit
Of huggin' a tree when you get near it
Diggin' the snow and rain and bright sunshine
[insert Dragging the Line song]
Right? I mean, I don't know what else that song could possibly be about. Who knew? But we did it. We believed in ourselves and worked really hard and now we are ready to make some syrup. Now we just have to have some good timing and luck. I mean, there is going to be some long days ahead. Man, this Tickler. I don't know, but I think I can detect some onion notes. Did I accidentally cross pollinate with the hot sauces? I feel like Napoleon Dynamite. Remember that? When he was taste testing milk? "I think this one got into an onion patch."
[insert Napoleon Dynamite milk video]
I mean, I don't know if these visual aides are helpful or not. Maybe it is just laziness on my part. But, I mean, I have been experimenting with retooling. Thinking about the radio. I mean, the songs I can just play, and I can use the audio on the videos as well. I mean, I guess this is the opposite of a pod cast or whatever. Or like a long form social media post with commentary? I mean, that is okay with me. Context makes everything better. But since it isn't meant to be about any one thing specifically, I mean, you can either take the visual aides or leave them. As opposed to social media. Where the visual aide is the thing itself. I mean, revolutionary, right? Or more like, just a big super combo of all the bullshit on the computer right now reduced to one big honking free for all. I mean, there is a difference between just mentioning pop culture and showing the pop culture you are talking about. However, like all things comedic, the second you put a single joke anywhere you are instantly dated. I mean, go back and listen to Ronald Reagan making AIDS jokes in some White House happening, then fast forward to Barrack Obama making drone jokes about anyone who wants to date his daughters. I mean, neither of those things are even remotely funny now. I mean, I won't even bother putting up videos of them. It is just too gross. Why do you have to be a total asshole to be involved in politics? I don't get it. I mean, I get it, I just don't understand it. If I wasn't the Mayor of Granville, I would think about running for Congress. But I have too much on my plate as it is.
There is no work next week. There has been a very large mis-communication. I don't know what to do about though. Do I delay the work in Albany? I mean, supposedly the other companies are now in charge of fixing the welding stuff. Not us. Not me. Which, that is fine. But does that mean that the job is now on a delay? Waiting for them to do the work? Does that mean that it will get done whenever they get around to it, or does that mean that they are going to do it this week and we can start the racist stuff next Monday? By racist I mean, getting the racist crew back and finishing the job. I mean, I don't know. I will call the Big Boss tomorrow. See what he has to say about it. I mean, if there is no reason to even try to get in there next week then I won't have to cancel the reading at Tom's on the 17th. I mean, even if there is a possibility that the welding work won't be finished by then then I won't cancel. I mean, I need a few days of break from this Winter Wonderland. I am officially burned out, Vermont-style. I mean, I would take a vacation, but I don't have any money. But I could go down to the City for a few days. Blow off some steam. Then when the work starts happening, I will have to stick my nose to the grindstone as the bridesmaids say.
I mean, this is good news. For me. I can spend next week finalizing the Dishwasher edit. Work on sound stuff for the Donkey BOT [Book on Tape.] I mean, there are all sorts of things to do around here. The goat water froze. Sometime last night. All the snow knocked the rock I had holding open the water valve. Which meant that the hose froze. And since it is buried under three feet of snow and then buried ten inches underground, I mean, I can't think of a way to un-thaw the fucker. I mean, un-thaw and thaw are maybe the same thing. But I guess un-thawing could mean freezing if you follow the rules of grammar, but who is keeping score at this point? Just dicks at the NY Times is all. I mean, those assholes are really pushing for Jennifer Lopez to save the Rom-Com right now. Which, I mean, if anyone else paid any attention ever, Jennifer Lopez was the same asshole that killed the Rom-Com. Remember Gigli? So how the hell are they suddenly thinking she can save it now? I don't know why that kind of bullshit bugs me so much. I mean, I think it is mostly because there are about One Billion artists in the world and they decided to give all their focus to Jennifer Fucking Lopez? Jenny from the Block Lopez. Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got Lopez? I mean, what has she even done in the last decade? Married that dick A-Rod? Had Good Will Hunting’s buddy slap her on the ass in that photo? Then now, she is dating that doucher again? And posting bikini pics on the Daily Mail? She is somehow going to save the Rom-Com? The NY Times couldn't think of a single other person that might possibly maybe be more relevant than Jennifer Lopez? I mean, the system is so stupidly rigged that it kind of makes me sick. I mean, whatever. I don't have any bad feelings toward Jenny from the Block, but I don't think she is much of a trend-setter anymore. She is just a mildly talented rich person at this point. That makes bad decisions in men. I mean, if your boyfriend is a douche, that means you are a douche. The bridesmaids said that many times before.
Now where was I? I don't even fucking know. Work sucks. That was something. Maybe a reading in the City. Closer. The sap line. Closer still. I mean, I don't know. I lost the thread. I guess tomorrow I will do some cleaning. Some laundry. Call the Big Boss. Double check that work is canceled. I mean, I am not on the schedule. Which, when I saw that I was not on the schedule I just assumed it was because the work in Albany was unknown. I mean, I just assumed I would go down there and work until the thing was finished. But now that I talked to Scott, a person who actually reads the electronic mails, I mean, it is looking like nothing. And that is something I have to get used to now. Actually reading electronic mails. I mean, I suppose I will have to start calling them emails in order to streamline things. And not only that, but I will have to understand them as well. Which, I mean, that is the job of the people in charge. To give these things the proper amount of time needed to know what is actually happening. I mean, now that I am in charge, I will have to act like it. And you know what I think of that? It stinks.
I guess I need to get in touch with the radio guy again. I am not sure what he is thinking. I am positive that he can't keep me from getting my own radio show, the thing is community radio. He is legally obligated to give me a show. But I fear he doesn't like me already. That he is Vermont-style trying to inertia-style keep me off the radio by attrition. I mean, I think he is hoping that I lose interest. That the Mud Season will come and I will be too distracted by other shit that I forget all about Screed City Radio. But what he doesn't understand is that the shirts I made are already in the mail. And for Screed City Radio to just drop off before it even starts, I mean, that would make me a liar. I will not be a liar. Not now, not never. I am the voice of the people! I will excoriate the NY Times and their coverage of Jennifer Lopez. I will play quotes from Young Einstein. I will play Dragging the Line by the Shondells and Jimmy what's his nuts. I will do it all. The book club with Baby Flat Pancake. Professor Curly will come on. We can do a Broadway Beat. Scott has a new thing. The VT Digger published a screed of his. My guess is that he will get a column going. I can have him on. Screeding about country living. I mean, Kristin W will come around with cooking tips. There will be some animal husbandry involved. Mad River Valley Gossip Roundup. Who is humping whom. Who is going to win the Grouchy this year. The crustiest award in Addison County. I mean, who can be the biggest curmudgeon for no reason aside from living in Vermont year round. I mean, the possibilities are endless. I just need to send the guy a fresh email. See what is up. Maybe he has some time to train me next week?
Butwhatever. I should probably eat something. I was planning on writing on Postal Teen tonight but I accidentally wrote myself into a corner. So I need to do some thinking first. Maybe I will get out the old snow shoes in the morning. Clear my head. I mean, I left my gloves in the sap bag today. I have my fingerless gloves and the leather work gloves. And it is supposed to be warm tomorrow, so maybe it won't be a problem. And then, after I go for a walk. Clean up the house. Get my affairs in order. I will have a new lot on life. I mean, whatever. It is barely February and I am already finished with Winter. There is still like six weeks to go. I mean, I should just do down to the City next week, right? Have a few steam releasing days before the work really gets going, right? I mean, I am just talking out loud. I mean, I guess that is all this is anyway, right? The daily newsletter from a narcissist. Bloviating into the void. I am okay with that. But for now, I must eat. Keep my energy up for more screeds. Somebody has to do the lord's work. Otherwise Society falls apart.