I guess I owe everyone an apology. When I was talking so much trash about the Stooges the other night I failed to put the whole thing into historical context. While it is true that the Stooges did, in fact, purposefully make their music sound shitty it was in response to other things happening at that moment with respect to the music industry. Meaning, the Stooges were essentially saying Fuck You to Big Label. However, like all things related to that time what came next was just a changing of the guard as oppose to any real revolution. Meaning, they just got rich off of the Fuck You. And then Big Label just switched business models so they could then make money off of the "Revolution." So, I mean, my critique of the Stooges stands with regard to being annoyed that they don't have decent recordings. Where I am wrong is thinking they didn't have a reason to do that. I mean, they had a reason. And that reason, good or bad did make them rich and famous. But that is no reason for me to ignore their contribution to rock and roll. Of which, I am sorry. And, if I am to be honest, which I am, I suppose, Raw Power is a very well recorded album. Which, I mean, that kind of negates my argument in whole, however, sound preference versus sound delivery are two different things and should be understood with relative understanding. I mean, my point is, I can both dislike hearing that album and also appreciate the value of said album without contradicting myself. Therefore, I am not sorry.
I mean, I don't even know anymore. All of this shit. From day one. From Grav3digg3r to Screed City it was always trying to answer that one question: What the fuck is ART? And the more I unravel the mystery I just get further into the morass of bullshit that defines it. And I have finally figured it all out. Every little bit and piece. Every tiny fraction. And I have come to one answer. One solution. One conclusion. I don't fucking know. It is a stupid question. Why would anyone ever ask that? I mean, it is money. Money is just a mutually agreed-on form of an exchange of goods and services. You know? The Canadian Quarter dilemma. Is a Canadian Quarter worth 25 American cents? Yes, if you accept that it is. I mean, you don't see many of those things floating around anymore. And why is that? Because people don't use cash as much as before. It's not that the Government outlawed the use of the Canadian Quarter. I mean, they don't work in vending machines either. But so what? And such is ART. The term Art is as pointless as the term BITCOIN. Whatever rich people decide is ART is therefore ART. And therefore I have finished my dissertation. I guess it only took a decade, and multiple millions of words to come to this conclusion. But I finally did it. And I would request some privacy during this time of mourning. ART is dead. David Bowie killed it. May he rot in hell.
Speaking of Canada. It turns out that Canadian Geese are not Canadian at all. Well, not in the sense that they are from Canada. What happened was there was this guy that named them after some Old Norse term that got translated to Latin and then somebody mis-translated what he called them and instead of the words describing what they looked like they became Canadian in New Latin. Meaning, you should refer to Canadian Geese as the Canada Goose. And by extension, the term Canadian Geese is now cancelled. And you can blame CRT for that.
I heard that little tidbit on the radio today. On my way to Middlebury to get some vessels. After that they played the Cranberries version of "Go your own way" by Fleetwood Mac. And, I mean, I kind of enjoyed the song. I had never heard it before. And then I looked up the singer from the Cranberries. And I learned that she died by drowning in a bathtub at some four star hotel in Paris, I think. The town isn't important. But what happened was she was on a bunch of medication and she got drunk and took a bath and then drowned. Which is tragic. She was very talented and only 46 and had three kids in their early teens. But like all shitty fucking internet bullshit I thought she had died from a drug overdose. And that she must have just been a junky loser like all ARTISTS. But I also learned she was one of the richest people in Ireland. She had like $88 million dollars when she died. I mean, I hate the computer age. I don't know what the hell we did to deserve this, but here we are. And if I am smart I will actually just wrap this shit up and retire right now. My dissertation is done. I can move on. I am not contributing to the betterment of humanity, I am just making things worse. I mean, half-assed rants about the Stooges, funny jokes about Canadian Geese being cancelled, I mean, what the hell am I doing? I mean, instead of playing music while the Titanic is sinking I am doing a fucking stand up routine:
"You ever notice that your pancakes are extra soggy this morning? Am I right? And salty? I mean, it's not the syrup, am I right? Woman and children first people. On a lighter note, the lines for the buffet are pretty nice right now. Just stay seated and the bacon will probably float right over to you. I mean, I tried to get seconds on my biscuits and gravy, but I forgot my snorkel in my room." [Cymbal crash]
I went to the TJ Maxx thinking I could find more gallon jugs. Nothing doing. The place was a madhouse. Saturday shoppers? What a weird thing. Do people really not have anything better to do? I mean, back in the good ol' days, when covid was taken serious, this never happened. I mean, is this really what people in Middlebury do in regular times? There were couples out for a good time. The line at the counters was all the way to the socks. A snake. I mean, I got the stink-eye from a few people. Like I was going to steal their bargains. I mean, I didn't find what I wanted and ran out of there ASAP. But then I went next door to the Hannaford's to look at dried black beans and tanks of water. It was the same. A true madhouse. I mean, I was glad to see that things are really getting back to normal. Whatever that means. I mean, I can't talk politics. But people are stupid. And it is good to have some good times right about now. And who knows? We are all double vaxxed and boosted. What is the worst that can happen? I mean, the Racist Right is the worst that can happen. But like I said, politics is no bon. Butwhatever. The black beans sucked. The water jugs sucked. I got back in Junior Mint and went to the Walgreen's across the way. I wandered around for a bit and finally came to a display of gallon jugs of water. I stood there staring. Thinking. Some youngster girl was keeping an eye on me. I mean, I don't know how old anyone is anymore. I lost that ability to tell how old anyone is when I turned 40. But this youngster, who seemed like she was a teenager. And I don't mean to gender identify, but I didn't have a conversation with her about pronouns, but she seemed very female. I mean, I keep thinking in my head about having these conversations with the very radical and very homo-phobic and anti-Trans and, frankly, violent Right motherfuckers where I can say:
"What the fuck is your problem? How does this affect you at all?" And then they stammer on about sports or the bible or something. But it will never come. But in the mean-time, as a guy that thinks that language is very important, I find it difficult to not just identify things as I see them just because I have a life-time of whatever bullshit I have been given from these same assholes. The same assholes I ran away from a quarter century ago but are somehow now everywhere. Because of the internet. And me doing my stand-up routine on the Titanic. I mean, my point is, this person seemed very young and very female. Maybe she was a teenager? Maybe she didn't identify as female? It doesn't matter to me. How she would feel about me writing about her in such specific terms, I don't know. I mean, for all I know she did an OK BOOMER TicTok about me after this interaction. And that is just as valid as me talking about what happened from my point of view. I guess. I mean, I am not saying that we should have had a full on conversation about gender and identity while I was standing there thinking about the water jugs. I just mean that it is interesting to think about how I should describe my personal interaction. Because I really don't know. I mean, all I know is that she seemed like a young, very young, female. Who asked me:
"Are you okay? Do you need help?" I mean, at that point I became a middle-aged man. Looking at water jugs. I had my arms crossed. I was trying to figure out if it was worth it to buy the water and maybe dump the water out. That seemed kind of crazy to me. To buy water jugs and not use the water? But at the same time they were so cheap. $1 dollar a gallon. They were obviously on sale. For whatever reason. I mean, I have great water here at Beaver Farm. I don't need crap water from dollar jugs at Walgreen's. I mean, she was cute. Like G cute. I said:
"Oh, I am just thinking." Then she kind of pretended to be working, but she kind of stayed there. Then I said "I mean, I want these jugs, I just don't want the water." And after a moment she thought about it. She said:
"Well, you can always just drink the water." And, I don't know. I mean, she was right. It was very simple. I didn't need to worry about it so much. After some thought I said:
"You know what? Thank you." I grabbed four of the gallon jugs and took them to the counter. They costed exactly four dollars. Had I bought milk or something to get the same jugs it would have cost $12 dollars at least. So I did a bargain. And it was the youngster that helped me out. I mean, I really did feel like a geezer while that happened. And to combine that with the whole Canada Goose thing that I heard on the radio from the college station. I mean, this is how it all begins. Slowly I get edged out of modern society as I go from place to place to find better jugs for my homemade Ticklers. Not knowing if I should call someone a woman or a man. I mean, I really wish that Katanji Brown Jackson had said this when whoever the hell it was that asked her what a woman was:
"Can you define a woman, Judge Jackson?"
"Yeah, they be shoppin'."
"Can you elaborate?"
"Yeah, they got some big ol' titties?"
"Excuse me?"
I mean, that sounds racist, but I don't mean it that way. Much like the Stooges, context is important. I mean, my stand-up routine on the Titanic. I mean, once again, sorry mom. I don't mean to bring personal shit into this, or maybe that is exactly what I want to do. My aunt was born with two sets of genitals. Female and male. And as a baby they decided for her what she was going to be. There was no question. And that was Oklahoma in the 50's? And now it is what? 70 years later and they are making it illegal to even be Trans? To even explore what gender is? Like it fucking matters? And to think that they are going to reverse gay marriage? And that it was only what? Seven fucking years ago that gay marriage became legal? What the fuck? I mean, this is just as bad as police killing Black men. I mean, it's not politics, this is human rights. I mean, put the ACLU on speed dial in your phone. 212-549-2500.
I mean, I got four jugs now. Something to hold the Ticklers when it is time. I don't think I will drink the water though. The Beaver Haus water is better. I will probably frown when I dump it out. Then I will spend an hour using gallons and gallons of water to clean things and I will sigh about the irony of everything. And I will think "Is this ART?"
I mean, I finally heard back from Abbie. The Waitsfield Farmers Market is okay with my things. I mean, that is why I was checking out dried black beans. I need to figure out how to make burritos as cheap as possible. I mean, I would love to have gallons of soaked beans hanging around, but I don't have that kind of ability. I mean, every time I try to get a membership at the membership stores I get denied. The Costco. I get denied. The same way I do with Amazon. I don't know what I did, but I did something wrong at some point. Either way. I would love to have access to gallon black beans, but I don't. So I guess I just have to learn how to soak them. And that makes me worried. Buthwhatever. I am sure I will figure it out.
Anyhoodles. I am heading to Portland tomorrow. To do some work. I doubt I will be updating this newsletter anytime soon. So, I mean, I guess this is TTFN. Get a job. Pay your student loans. Even if it means working at Burger King because didn't you think this through when you were 18 and dumb and full of cum? That you would be in your late 40's being barely able to pay your rent because someone told you a liberal arts degree would mean you could get a job when you got out of college? And somehow that same bill wouldn't mean you would starve at the same time? Because really? You are a snot-nosed brat that didn't pull yourself up by your boot-straps enough? That an 80 hour work week at minimum wage was the price of admission to the game? Even if it meant you couldn't live your life in any other way than the way that corporate life-styles decided for you? I mean, you idiot! How stupid were you in the first place? You couldn't drink or were barely old enough to vote and you could get conscripted to war, but at the same time you could take out hundreds of thousands of dollars of loans for the future of America? With no job prospects and all the debt? I mean, we believed in you. Why can't you believe in us? You should buy a house instead of buying your avocado toast and diet Cokes. Or whatever it is that is the reason why we can blame you for everyone at the top having all the money and not paying taxes. Don't you know we are the job creators?
I mean, the joke isn't funny anymore. I do think it is hilarious that the radio station on Middlebury is spreading rumors about Canada Gooses. I mean, even if it is only the rich people that can go to that college at least they are fighting the good fight. Because they know everything is bullshit. I mean, I should have asked the "Girl" at Walgreen's if she went to college. Like, maybe she was on some work-release program that made it possible. Like, I mean, the rich assholes don't have to think about it, but the poor assholes have to have a job just to get the same bullshit education, but I didn't. And it doesn't really matter. The longer we live in a Society where it only matters that you have money and everyone else is fucked. the longer we are going to have crazy Right-Wing assholes making shit bullshit for the people on the edges of Society. I mean, whatever. It is true. If you think the solution is more liberalism you are wrong. Until the poorest among us have the same opportunity as the richest among us we will never have an equal Society. And that means the rich need to get a knee-capped.
Hi Ramona Clifton. I guess we might as well snack on the rich and have a little chat while we wait for Joey to sort us out.
Checking out the new "see the discussion " button. With you on the road, do we just talk amongst ourselves?
Eat the rich!